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Author’s note: What follows is a written conversation with the Colombian shaman Juliet Goméz and her partner Hernando Ruiz a few days after I had participated in their ayahuasca ceremony in Ecuador. The “flashbacks” I describe became so strong that it took me over two years to compile this piece.

HANNES

Dear Juliet & Hernando,

I will be writing in English, although the true poetry of the world is written and heard in all languages at once, a glossolalia that transcends the differences of languages and speaks directly to the heart.

One week has passed since we met, and I’m slowly coming back to normal—a new normal, indeed, and I agree that the experience has truly changed my life. Here in Mexico City, I keep having ayahuasca dreams and I encounter many similar patterns in my sensual experience, my daily rhythm, especially my thoughts. Sometimes, I wish never to have tried ayahuasca, to go back to the old normal; but there is also a new light that slowly unfolds.

What keeps returning and surprised me a lot is a terrifying darkness that surrounds all my memories of our experience. Although I felt very warm in your good company, as soon as the drug hit I found myself in an amazing techno club that, however, slowly turned into a laboratory for experiments on humans, a concentration camp, with medieval torture instruments: the jungle is hell, really really hell! And in my eternal suffering, I cursed you for bringing me into this, and I thought that you wanted to kill me for real.

In the end, you didn’t kill me, so in a way you saved my life. But I keep wondering whether this extreme suffering was a necessary aspect of the process. In the European context—with which I am more familiar—one may speak of catharsis as a spiritual cleansing through suffering, but I’m unsure whether such a concept is applicable here. In India, for example, there are similar concepts, too, but more central is eternal bliss, a state in which the mind transcends the difference between joy and suffering. To put my question more baldly: Must one go through suffering to gain eternal bliss? Or, as the writer Kafka put it: Does one have to suffer torture to finally shout out the truth?

No longer curses but best wishes,

Hannes

JULIET/HERNANDO

Hi Hannes, thanks for writing.

There is nothing that we, as humans, can evoke in anyone. It is just the power of medicine that is expressed on different levels for each person. We must bear in mind that we have a long history, life after life, that has left its mark on the universe.

That record speaks of all our past mistakes, cruelty, violence, darkness. Maybe we forget it now, but the universe has the full recording of all those acts, individual and collective, which have become our karma, that is, our debts.

Ayahuasca is the Liana of the Resurrected. It is the thread that catches us from all the dark and deep lakes where we have been for ages and ages.

Human beings cannot imagine where they have been, life after life.

There are thousands of jails, in different states of consciousness, where we have sown evil. We will never find it outside ourselves.

With what you wrote to us, we understand that what you experienced under the influence of ayahuasca was a small moment in your own evil and shadow. What you sowed in the past.

There is no need to be afraid of this, or curse. It is better to thank – because little by little the light undresses you inside, with the opportunity to realize and do new things in the present. The thorns are the steps to ascend the stem, then reach the soft petals and pistils of the rose. This is divine knowledge: climbing with courage, until you reach the rose. Nothing is free, everything has a cost.

True happiness is not a human emotion that brings you pleasure, well-being or laughter. It is an elevated state of consciousness, which cannot be reached without knowing the thorns of the rose. Because even from the plants with the most thorns, beautiful flowers sprout.

It does not matter if the road has thorns, stones, pain, obstacles, difficulty. We must live it with intensity, since it is the narrow path that leads us to the light. But it is not suffering. It is only the path, with different nuances, colors and flavors: bitter and sweet.

As an initial treatment, we recommend people to approach the medicine of yagé (ayahuasca) at least seven times. We have in mind here the seven energy bodies, which is where all our shadow hides.

You have already seen and understood that medicine is not for the curious, but for all those who want to enter the university of higher spiritual studies, where nothing is written. Everything has to be felt on the skin.

Yagé medicine gives us wisdom about ourselves, but we must first pay a high and courageous price.

With patience, courage, dedication, respect, we can all achieve it.

Yagé medicine is liquid God. Once it enters our body, it never leaves. It stays in the form of consciousness, in your blood, your thought, your energy, your heart, your word.

That is why we understand that you were not mad at us. Perhaps you were just very far away and forgotten by God, due to ideas, concepts, theories or customs.

But you should always remember this:

“On the tree of life, we are just the leaves.

The power of the trunk and branches does not belong to us.”

A hug!

Ceremonial Preparations at Sol Sanación

HANNES

Thanks for your soothing words. I can feel the light right now, and I remember that even in the process, at some point, I got in sync with the liquid god and with your help I discovered ways to open up rather than trying to control—the thorns never disappeared, but they somehow grew into the backyard.

There is a brilliant film called The Congress where almost everyone is high on psychedelic drugs and all humanity turns into a dystopian utopia in rainbow colors. Only the protagonist still cares about “reality,” and I never understood her because the wild reality out there feels so much more real than “reality” itself—and so much more on ayahuasca where every glimpse, every sound, every movement of my tongue or toe opened a new world for me—and still, there came the moment where I just wanted to return to my love and our little child: here, in Quito, Guanguiltagua; this reality, not any other, not for any price in the entire universe.

Infinite different layers of reality appeared on top of each other, inside each other, in countless feedback loops and endless spirals, which at every instant spiraled up themselves anew. I understood that subtle movements of my body and my mind could lead to very different avenues or regions of pure light where the masters of this sacred world reside, and that this life in chaos is not limited to drinking ayahuasca but simply goes beyond the so-called normal, sober mind.

My mistake was to forget that the physical effect of ayahuasca over time would disappear and once again I got afraid of being unable to return. I was afraid of becoming insane, and you saved me once again, which has some sense of irony because I’m writing on a book called Divine Madness: how could a title come any closer to what I witnessed with my body, mind, and soul?

You will be aware that drugs or sacred medicines are often associated with so-called hallucinations, but especially in the case of ayahuasca it is clear to me that—to the contrary—one witnesses the sacred truth of Being (ser) far beyond “reality,” which has been imposed to us by socio-political ideologies. As I see it, truth is not actually a world but rather a chaos of synaesthetic feelings, sensations, memories, and thoughts that constantly escape our human urge to control. In order not to get lost in it, humans have invented many theories and customs.

What do you believe? How is your own experience with ayahuasca?

Thanks,

Hannes

JULIET/HERNANDO

Hello Hannes,

It is very important to continue living human life in its absolute normality, without wanting to isolate ourselves from it. Many people seek extrasensory experiences in order not to live. This is a serious mistake.

It is better to follow the path of the balanced human being:

“With the heart in the sky and the feet on the ground.”

It is a balance that is difficult to understand and practice, but we can tell you that it can be achieved and—since you know us—we don’t look like mad people, haha!

Certainly, it is not a question of taking yagé medicine all your life, rather, it depends on what we are looking for.

To that sensory experience you had, we say: “Candy experiences.”

We call it that because Mother Nature, for the first time in our lives, enthralls us with this endless range of colors, sensations, worlds, universes, etc., but little by little that must mature.

The natural and correct view is that experiences with medicine are rather introspective. May you abandon the vast universe, to know yourself.

Knowing more about ourselves and all those things that we must do, and also those that we must abandon, so that the mission of being is finally fulfilled, in the human body.

It is a long way to go…

The title of your book is very appropriate: “Divine Madness.”

It is beautiful, because precisely, you have to go through that divine madness, get drunk, and then return to sobriety in order to regain your sanity.

It is a constant taking and letting go.

That permanent impulse to control is produced by fear and separation.

Fear, because we do not want to feel or experience many things, not only under the influence of ayahuasca but also in everyday human life.

And separation, because by distancing ourselves from the divine source or God, we believe that we are in control of everything, forgetting that that place is occupied by the Big Boss of everything: that there is nothing to control.

Yagé medicine leads us to remember our forgotten nature, and the truth is implicit in this.

Truth

Love

God

Light

These are synonyms.

They are not words that mean something different. They refer to the same thing.

That is why for us it is clear that you do not have to believe in God. You only have to practice it. Day by day, second by second; in thought, word, feeling, and act.

In my case, yagé is everything I write to you and more.

From the very beginning, it led me to remember my nature.

Step by step, without explanations. (This is not so good for intellectuals.)

Only through the heart, little by little, have I unraveled the fabric of my life.

I have never stopped being human, and I have never tried to evade the challenges that this entails.

In the case of Hernando, it has been the same.

First, a lot of candy (lights, colors, fractals, rainbows, energy, portals, etc., etc.); then the experiences became more concrete, human, and familiar for both of us. Very specific.

We tell you: “The Tasks of Yagé Medicine.”

This speaks of a healthy process with the medicines.

Because we know people who have been taking yagé for 10 or 20 years and have not managed to get past the “candy,” they do not know anything about themselves.

A hug from the Ilaló volcano

Juliet and Hernando

HANNES

Hello Juliet and Hernando,

Thanks for taking the time for all these.

True, it’s not so good for intellectuals and, goddamn, I’m a philosopher, haha! But when I was recovering under the warm sunlight (sol sol, luz luz) and I was staring at the giant tree at Ilaló still spiraling about itself and sometimes staring back at me (!), I attained a strong conviction that I have to go this one step further than philosophy and mere intellectual discourse. All around the world there are unspoken practices which are sometimes called the “mystical”; your personal journey through the “sweets” of ayahuasca and your return to concrete everyday experience especially reminded me of Zen Buddhism: there is a saying that before the practice of Zen, a mountain is a mountain, and after several years of practice, a mountain is no longer a mountain, but at the end of the journey, a mountain is a mountain again.

Your conviction to truth/love/God/light is so strong, there is no comparison to any academic in the world, and your guidance of the ceremony throughout the night requires a strong sense of details and a skill that impressed me a lot; I truly loved Juliet’s performances, the use of different media including electronics. In my view, one can also see the whole ceremony as a genuine work of art—a true Gesamtkunstwerk, to make a joke about European opera.

What impressed me, too, is that you seem to be managing the entire “temple” on your own, which in English we call a grassroots project. When my art collective was still back in Athens, Greece, we were running a grassroots art space that hosted concerts, exhibitions, talks as well as workshops and ceremonies not very different from yours. When I was entirely engaged in my work, I often found it quite ridiculous to still label what we do as “art” or “philosophy” or “politics” or “religion” (we had something like a temple, too) but one sometimes has to keep these labels for the public, not least because of funding opportunities. After this, how do you feel about your label of a company for “mental health”? The price we paid is quite ok for visitors but seems a ridiculously small amount if one considers your hard work and the material required for the whole ceremony. Or do you feel closer to the label of the “temple”? Is there any difference for you?

Thanks and hugs

Hannes

JULIET

How great that you asked me.

Sol Sanación is a project from Heaven placed and inspired in my heart through yagé medicine. I never imagined having a healing center, it was not among my human plans. But God, always wise and silent, has a divine purpose for each person. Some find out about it, others don’t.

Without a doubt, in my case, the medicine was responsible for helping me recover that ancestral memory and leaving it as an indelible tattoo on my heart. At first, I thought that Sol Sanación was only a place where we offer our services, then we recognized that it is also we (Hernando and Juliet), as individuals, in a process of transformation, and that in the same way, spaces must go through a similar process. No space, company or temple can be transformed if the individuals that constitute it do not transform themselves.

Thus, we began a whole way of the cross (via crucis), but in the good sense of the word.

Before I met my husband, Sol Sanación already existed (2010 in Colombia). He came from working alone, with a lot of experience, but without a fixed place. It is very different from starting something new, because it was already about institutionalizing and professionalizing what we did, without losing the essence.

This task was not easy at the beginning, but little by little, this approach of maintaining the ancestral was born, but adjusted to human life: paying rent, public services, food, clothing, maintenance, and above all, CHARGING for our work. From the beginning, it was all very clear to me.

We always had to look for a place in the countryside that suited our needs. We have invested a lot of work in adapting to places that are not ours, we had to leave orchards, constructions, gardens and so on, in all the places we had rented.

Many tears shed, but we had to keep going.

In 2016, I had a vision that we had to leave Colombia for Ecuador; I wrote it in a notebook (as I always do), and in 2019 we managed to trust only in the voice of God and leave.

We sold our motorcycle, some household items, and the rest we gave to other families (bedding, kitchen items, etc.).

We only left with our clothes and our two dogs. We set off to a country where we didn’t know anyone, without any friends or family, and without enough money. We set off to begin a life that only God knew clearly. We did not.

The mission was to make an offering at the volcano Imbabura.

After many difficulties and abuses from Ecuadorians towards us, we finally achieved it! From that day on, many things began to unfold within us.

Sol Sanación Temple is a project from Heaven that must be given form on Earth. (If any psychiatrists listened to us, they’d tie us up… hahaha…)

That’s why it has been difficult, but we are not tired, because we know that it must be achieved.

The logo of Sol Sanación represents the synchronization, meeting and order of all planets. The sun ahead of everything, generating order. And the mesh of hexagons that covers it represents the energetic molecular structure of yagé and San Pedro. (It can be verified only under the influence of the medicine.)

It comes to my heart in an orderly and clear way how I should do each thing, with the help of Hernando.

In the transformation process that I spoke about initially, the value is also very clear.

We have clarity of price, cost, and value.

An encounter with the sacred medicine of yagé is invaluable, because who could pay for a deeper understanding? Or a vast experience throughout the universe, discovering millions of truths?

However, we understood that humanly, we as teachers deserve a life in dignity through the exercise of our profession, and it is not frowned on by the spiritual world that we prosper with our work.

Moreover, this project aims to promulgate and preserve yagé medicine as a spiritual heritage of humanity. It is increasingly difficult to access the plant, since misuse, trafficking, and excessive cooking, plus harvesting without reforestation, are making it disappear from the jungles.

For all this infrastructure to function and be sustained over time, apart from doing things correctly, we must charge a fair value that covers all the needs of the place.

Now our view is very clear. All those difficult situations we have gone through are the thorns of the rose, indispensable to reach the petals.

There are three basic principles on which Sol Sanación is based: good birth, good living, good dying. And from these three principles opens the entire range of spiritual values ​​and principles that every human being must give birth to in their hearts, to exercise the great gift of life on this earth.

A temple is the symbol of life itself, but that life inspired by the spirit, since the beginning of time. It is that life for which Sol Sanación has the mission of inspiring humanity.

We could not fit medicine into any human political dimension, but it is part of an organized structure in the Spiritual Kingdom. She is part of a hierarchical order, where she is the highest Queen in the world of plants. The others are no less, each one fulfills a beautiful function, but she is at the head, and this is already very transcendental.

However, it is clear that a shaman must actively participate in all aspects of life, without deviating from his purpose. The mango does not want to be a pineapple and the rose does not want to be a melon. Everything in its place, exercising its natural role. That is why we have the ability to lead a group of businessmen, executives, parents, young people, older adults, farmers, merchants, religious people, doctors, teachers, nurses, psychologists or children.

The light gathers and unites.

Darkness separates, divides, feels “different” or “special.”

Ancestral Medicine must break all those walls of ice, created by the human mind, and manage to melt them to find the essence in the eyes and heart of each person, until we can speak an intuitive language, where everything is known, everything is seen, everything is felt…

A hug

Juliet

Translated from Spanish by Hannes Schumacher

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