Gaia Within | Choosing Care in an Unraveling World

Article Living Earth

Gaia Within | Choosing Care in an Unraveling World


Featuring the art of Jerry Sage, a contributor to Pixabay, whose collection can be found here

 

“Far more satisfying than pretending to have control would be to actually exercise it.”
—Tarthang Tulku, Dimensions of Mind

As we look across a planet overwhelmed with suffering—like an overcrowded boat shedding passenger into unforgiving waves—we realize that we should never have entrusted the care of our Mother to others. Why weren’t we paying attention to her decline? How could we have forgotten that it was through her care that we first began searching for our own destiny?

Trying to learn from my mistakes, I remember times when I managed to break free from a private, lonely trajectory mired in misery and loss. Observing the world around me now, it’s clear that my distress was never mine alone.

What is coming into focus—gradually replacing an anthropocentric worldview for many of us—is the realization that our species can no longer assume a guaranteed place at the table. Having distanced ourselves from the global family, no longer acting as a caring member, we must now ask: When the future arrives, will we still be welcome? Who will walk with our world into the future?

Mother Earth has remained loyal in her care for all the beings she brings into existence, nurturing, harmonizing, and sustaining life for billions of years. Among the countless species she supports, humans are just one. In time, she will surely find a way to confront the harm we have inflicted upon her and her other offspring.

What is in question is not the survival of our world, but whether humanity will be invited along to participate. For her own survival, our Mother may have no choice but to shed us like an old snakeskin—once part of her, now a suffocating remnant of an earlier stage in her evolution.

It’s not just the scorching fires, scouring winds, flooding coastal cities, flattened homes, and all the threats to terrestrial life for which we must give account. Humanity has turned against its own future by appointing the most selfish and broken among us to lead.

Time might bring back the coral reefs and provide space for species that are not yet extinct to rebuild their populations. Forests could reclaim hillsides while birds, butterflies, and bees construct their nests and hives in their shade. But how can our species survive when we choose leaders who are blind to the living intelligence that created us—whose unbalanced minds cannot even hear the symphony of life still playing around them?

Most of us just need that symphony to continue, to carry us forward in its rhythms. How tragic that continued human participation is now in jeopardy because a minority has cast its lot with forces of indifference, destruction, and cruelty.

Before I get carried away, I need to pull myself back into a realm of hope and community.

It might truly be a blessing if a wise and benevolent being arrived from beyond our world, using their power to guide humanity back toward ways of living, communicating, and collaborating in harmony with the planet—replacing our relentless extraction of anything that can be monetized and discarded in the dust. But if such a presence exists, why has it not revealed itself?

Likewise, if Gaia could bargain directly with humanity, she might set unbreakable terms—making it impossible for industries to poison rivers while selling clean water in plastic bottles or preventing the obscenely wealthy from rewriting the rules to consolidate their power. Yet Gaia, whose vast intelligence has nurtured life’s immense diversity within her embrace, seems incapable of stooping to engage in the narrow calculations of human ambition, power, and control. Instead, she, like the rest of creation, can only bear witness as humanity dismantles its own world—and the worlds of all the beings with whom we share our place in the sun.

Does the responsibility of guiding terrestrial life safely to shore really rest on the shoulders of the good-hearted and holistically conscious among us? That hopeful vision seems adrift, lost at sea. The phrase “As above, so below” may suit a Creator God, but it falls short in describing a planetary intelligence whose neural network is woven into the fabric of the Earth itself. Gaia is neither above nor below; she is a living world, continuously evolving in the direction shaped by the collective actions of her countless interdependent beings.

I am neither alone nor exceptional in feeling powerless within a society driven by those whose destructive choices go unchecked by wisdom, compassion, poetic imagination, or the vast cosmic awareness that our species is capable of. We owe a profound debt to activists who develop alternative energy sources, cultivate healthy food, and remind us that we inhabit a sacred, living planet. Yet most of us are simply trying to move through life with kindness and awareness—even as a tsunami surges inland, threatening the heart of our shared home.

I can’t say whether my approach is anything more than a private truce with discouragement but let me share the shape it has taken.

I published a novel, Gaia Awakens, (available later this month),in which many characters strive to live with decency and care but find themselves trapped in the shadow of extractive economies, the looming threat of nuclear annihilation, the shame of human-caused mass extinctions, and the unfolding catastrophe of climate breakdown. They feel powerless to halt these forces or escape their consequences.

Among them are two alien “adjudicators” who initially see no alternative but to annihilate the human species before the ark of life is dragged under.

This fictional world became a stage on which I could play out my fears for our own. One of the characters, who took his own life—just as my son did six years ago—returns from the realm of the dead with a message for a long-lived adjudicator who has forgotten his original purpose on Earth. This emissary from the beyond knows what it is to feel like an outsider, to long for belonging.

Even if this foray into fiction does nothing else, it has allowed me to imagine a continuing life for my son.

As I continued documenting my characters’ lives, I kept hoping their fate would unfold more favorably than the trajectory I see gaining momentum in our own. Yet after my first draft, they still faced the same challenges we do—still living under the weight of a deeply entrenched system, too pervasive for well-meaning individuals to halt. My hope that I could shape my fictional world in a way that would reveal not just a solution to their crisis, but also a path for us to follow, began to feel like a delusion.

But in the next draft, something shifted. It wasn’t that the aliens devised a clever or forceful plan. It wasn’t that Gaia started selectively shaking off billionaires and oil executives, or that she somehow inspired lobbyists and politicians to act with integrity. Instead, people simply grew more confident in their care for one another—more willing and able to follow impulses not dictated by the relentless demands of business as usual.

It was as if Gaia awakened to her own power in the cosmos and began finding allies among the human species. Gradually, others noticed this shift and began to join in, showing up as their better selves—grateful that they no longer had to lurk in the shadows, feeling helpless, isolated, and invisible. As this collaboration between individuals and their living world took hold, corrupt leaders found themselves with fewer and fewer followers.

A part of me wonders if the helplessness I’ve been feeling is the real delusion. There are, without a doubt, those who seek to control the world for their own ends. But if we choose to live with care, supporting the courageous actions of those around us, then Gaia will embrace us as she awakens to her place in the vast cosmos—a greater realm where she has always been a cherished and beloved daughter.

 

Return to the table-of-contents for this Issue, Beyond Conditioned Thinking

About Michael Gray

Michael Gray is the author of The Flying Caterpillar, a memoir, and the novels Asleep at the Wheel of Time, about whales, aliens, and humans, and Falling on the Bright Side, about his experience working with the disabled, and Winter Came Early: Reflections on outliving my son“, about his beloved son Jon who ended his life in 2019 at the age of 27. He is the cofounder of Friends in Time (a nonprofit he founded with a friend who has ALS), and past board president of New Mexico Parkinson’s Coalition and Pathways Academy (a school for kids with autism and other learning issues). A regular contributor to various journals, Gray also writes a weekly blog on www.michaelgrayauthor.com.

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Composting Grief | Co-healing with the Earth

Article Subtle Activism

Composting Grief | Co-healing with the Earth


Featured photo | by Joshua Hoehne

 

Grief reminds us that, in the divine alchemy of transformation, things sometimes appear to go backwards as they move forward.

The rewilding of humanity and our genetic transformation is contingent on the way we handle grief. Grief can be felt as a loss of species, ecosystems, and meaningful landscapes due to an environmental lesion. It constantly shifts and changes, varying from person to person at different stages of life. Grief is a separate political system, indifferent to Left or Right ideologies and solely focused on consciousness.

All levels of consciousness are affected by grief, whether it is emotional or mental, ancestral or generational, ecological or cellular. A grief-related thought can alter our sound, vibration, and even the functioning of our DNA. While grief cannot be contained or fixed, we can learn to walk alongside it with strength, calmness, and order. 

Grief | Ally and Divine Force

Wikimedia Commons

Works of ancient Greek literature explore grief as a divine force. In Homer’s Iliad, one universal right is the memorial. In the Trojan War, silver coins were placed at burial sites of fallen soldiers as tokens to remember the lives that were sacrificed in service of a shared civic mission. At the end of the story, the physical tokens were replaced by mourning and shaped stories: a combination of totemism and ceremonialism. The narrative is repeated in Sophocles’ “Antigone” and Euripides’s “The Suppliants,” which encapsulate the perspective that grief is a divinely sanctioned right. As a metaphorical guide , memories of the past continue to accompany our way through life and lead us  to the future. There is still a delicate balance in the way we treat our grief and memories of our ancestors and creation.

The key is in recognizing how profoundly our thoughts can shift our genetic state. We have an aptitude to evolve without waiting hundreds or thousands of years. 

I believe the human body is capable of communicating through signals of sound, hormones, and photons to itself and its surroundings, including underground ecology—the Earth.

A Grief Ecosystem

Nature’s medicine lies in the ground. The soil is the dust, blood, flesh, and bones of our ancestors as much as it is a part of our own being and waking experiences. It is so present in molecules of air and food that we miss it entirely. The soil connects all of the pieces together, in a sense, the way grief does.  It Grief is the intimate fabric of connection with the natural world. Humans belong to the land just like any animal, plant, mineral, water, and air particle, and each being experiences the emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical fertility of the ground.

The concept of “composting grief’’ resonates as a way of transforming energy into a renewed sense of purpose and growth. I think of this as transmutation or snake medicine: sound, meditation, selfless service, praying, nature, movement. I propose that we explore the concept of a symbiotic relationship between human grief and its impact on the underground microbial life—the microbiome—through a multidisciplinary approach that encompasses scientific, physiological, and ethereal aspects of meditation.

‘Rendering Recollecting’ | by Kelcey Loomer

Similar to composting, I believe a human being is capable of cognitively and physiologically transferring ionic energy containing grief information into the Earth through conscious meditation and grounding techniques. What has been referred to as “grounding,” or simply placing your bare feet on the Earth’s surface, reduces cortisol levels, inflammation, and calms the nervous system through the absorption of the ground’s negative ions. 

The soil contains various bacteria that absorb and masterfully manipulate electrons and ions in their environment. In meditation, we intentionally release feelings of hurt, worry, and fear, guiding our thoughts to calmness. Breathwork further enhances this process by encouraging awareness and presence within each cell, helping to alleviate anxiety and welcoming openness to new possibilities. Using the same vibration-driven principles present in grounding, meditation, and breathwork, a person reconnects with their inner self and facilitates an energetic exchange of grief with the soil, fostering personal healing and evolution.

The soil is a network of life-giving microorganisms, akin to the mitochondrial membrane potential in our cells, that support the vital bioenergetics of the underground mystery. Actinomycetes, fungi, bacteria, nematodes, earthworms, whiteworms, millipedes, flies, land snails, and beetle mites are first-level consumers of compost.2 This layer supports the rest of the underground microbiome—protozoa, rotifera, soil flatworms, predatory mites, ants, rove beetles, feather-winged beetles, ground beetles, mold mites, springtails, pseudoscorpions, centipedes, and other undiscovered species.3 All of these organisms support the existence of higher tropic life forms. They date back nearly four billion years and will probably survive any future extinction event.

This diverse soil microbiome mirrors our body’s repair system. Whenever a cell exhibits harmful effects on its genetic material, such as mitochondrial oxidative stress, DNA fragmentation, alteration of gene expression, or genetic mutations, T cells are recruited to mount an immune response. T cells work together with glial and neuron cells to regulate the damaged cells’ microenvironment: glial cells are insulation and nutrition; neurons carry messages and meanings. Grief is cached inherently within the memory of T cells and turned into a passage of intergenerational information. T cells can be likened to soil microbes that repair soil health through nitrogen fixation and suppression of pathogens.

As we’ve seen, bacteria are an important component of the soil microbiome. Bacteria aren’t solitary organisms. They exist on everything and are deeply embedded in the human DNA construct. They use a cohabiting language of electrical signaling to other bacterial forms for their survival. This mode of communication between humans and bacteria isn’t fundamentally different from the language between humans and water, or humans to humans. It is as real as channeling, meditating, or talking with a loved one.

A book, Grounded: A Fierce, Feminine Guide to Connecting with the Soil and Healing from the Ground Up, by Erin McMorrow was sent to me as a surprise gift by my friend, Maggie Kennedy, who said she felt would resonate with me. Not only did it resonate with me, but it turned out that this book on sacred interconnectedness activated my own path of regenerative healing through writing. So, I became a writing student under Dr. McMorrow’s guidance.

“Composting is a form of giving back to Mother Nature and the cycles of nourishment,” Dr. McMorrow says, “and it’s also a reminder that the things we think we can’t use can actually be returned to the earth with care and used for something else (the material version of releasing any energy from our bodies that doesn’t serve us).”1 Human and soil microbiome share an inherent quality: both are in a constant state of repurposing energy to regenerate life: “grounding” and “earthing.” Studies have yet to explore the proliferating impact the human body has directly on the soil through meditation because it’s immeasurable. One can only trust, believe, and commit to doing it to experience the results. By prayer, mantra, or meditation, human beings can create a meaningful relationship with soil.”

In 2020, one of the first studies examining the impact of meditation on gut bacteria, which are crucial to overall health, compared bacterial responses between study participants who meditated and those who did not. The results showed three types of bacteria—Bifidobacterium, Roseburia, and Subdoligranulum—responded to the brain’s influence and led to a series of changes in the intestinal flora that improved the body’s holistic regulation. These changes included enhanced cellular motility and stronger immunity.

Meditation activates the gut-brain axis (GBA), an increasingly discussed topic in the last decade. The GBA is a bidirectional communication network between the central nervous system, autonomic nervous system, and the hypothalamic-pituitary axis (HPA). The gut-brain axis integrates gut function with emotional and cognitive centers in the brain. A 2021 study on meditation and gut microbiota proposed that meditation can reinforce healthy gut-brain axis* crosstalk through the central nervous system (CNS) and ANS pathways.4

While conventional science emphasizes the role of the gut microbiome influencing our emotional well-being, my inquiry on the axis between meditation, emotions, and soil ecology is yet to be systematically explored: The study on the effect of meditation on intestinal flora hints at a possible connection between emotional well-being, as fostered through practices like meditation, and the broader ecological systems that surround us.

‘In the Center of Tender’ | by Kelcey Loomer

The suggested link between meditation and the underground microbiome—composting grief—draws upon the relationships among cyclic meditation, the microbiome, the gut-brain-axis, esoteric teachings, and various healing practices. 

A 2022 study by Maeder and colleagues used acoustic “soundscapes” to predict temporal and spatial dynamics of organisms in the soil.6 Although soundscapes are more commonly researched above the ground, the results of the study suggest that the acoustic diversity can be calculated from different soil communities. The evident differences between soil soundscapes can provide insights into the soil’s composition (such as taxa richness) and help evaluate the relationships between living soil microorganisms with greater precision. In a similar manner, we could apply eco-acoustic technology and statistical methods to observe the impact of grief meditation and sound as a noninvasive approach to monitoring “soil ecology” in the composting grief process. Grief reminds us that, in the divine alchemy of transformation, things sometimes appear to go backward as they move forward. Through our shared experiences of grief, both we as individuals and the planet can evolve together.

In the next section, we will explore a meditation technique that combines the elements of soil and sound to facilitate the transmutation of grief. Feel free to immerse yourself in this process and trust your instincts, as healing is an organic and unique journey for each individual.

Composting Grief Meditation

Start by putting both feet on the ground, or visualizing the feet in the soil. You could close your eyes and see roots from your tailbone lowering into the ground, physically connecting with the land. Think of gratitude for the soil and its underworld microorganisms.

Thank you, Mother Earth, for sustaining our bodies and spirit with the sacred spirits of water that I return back to the land, rivers, and streams with gratitude.

Call on your divine guides, ancestors, and angels.

Reflect on the grief that you would like to compost: fear, loss, shame, jealousy, anger/rage, anxiety, depression, hopelessness, confusion, discomfort, chaos, hate, and discord—stressors that can be associated with grief and trauma. Form them into a shape. Take an inhale, and with the exhale, move the shape in a downstream pattern through your perineum, legs, and feet into the ground, like tree roots. Repeat with each inhale.

This motion creates a downward spiral, shifting laterally to cycle upward. The “down” cycle represents the grief that will be energetically decomposed by the underground microbiome to give life; the “up” cycle is the oxygenated life that is created by the microorganisms and ­absorption of the ionic charge from the ground. This circular scheme is stimulating a cellular connection between the human body and the underground microbiome. Its biochemical symbiosis will enrich the acidity, moisture, and oxygen to allow decomposition slowly over time with safe byproduct levels of carbon dioxide. It is earthing for you, composting grief for the fertility of the soil and the garden of your life.

You can stay in this meditation for as long as you feel comfortable. Gratitude is the portal through which your emotions continually filter through as they penetrate the ground through the biochemical channel of your chakras. When you are ready to end the meditation, take a moment to express appreciation to the land and your guides.

Placing your hand on the ground is a way of relaying the ground’s sensitivity to the brain. The ground will share information to you in multiple ways, whether through its vegetation, animal attraction, or the vibration that the ground connects with you on a cognitive level. Consistency enhances your body’s connection with the ground, fostering a sense of restoration and prolificacy. Remember, this practice aims to support your healing journey, as grief is not something to be fixed but a process to be navigated with compassion and understanding.

As our understanding of the interconnectedness of life and its adaptability continues to grow, we can explore intuitive nutrition, elemental sounds, and effective fertilizing techniques to nurture a symbiotic relationship with grief. This knowledge helps us to shift our perspective on grief’s role in our lives. As we learn more about bacterial intelligence and its impact on consciousness, evolution, and cognition, we open gateways to new approaches of connecting with our bodies, caring for the land, and pursuing a path of mindful individuation.

 

Spatial dynamics is the study of the relationship between an entity and its surrounding environment, and as a result, temporal dynamics is the observation of the inherent complex changes to the entity’s behavior over time.

References

  1. McMorrow, Erin. Grounded: A Fierce, Feminine Guide to Connecting with the Soil and Healing from the Ground Up. Louisville, Colorado: Sounds True, 2021.
  2. “All the Compost Creatures: Levels 1, 2 and 3.” Planet Natural Research Center. December 8, 2022.
  3. “All the Compost Creatures: Levels 1, 2 and 3.” Planet Natural Research Center. December 8, 2022.
  4. Ningthoujam D. S., N. Singh, and S. Mukherjee. “Possible Roles of Cyclic Meditation in Regulation of the Gut-Brain Axis.” Frontiers in Psychology 12 (2021): 768031.
  5. Alonso et al., “Maladaptive Intestinal,” 163–72; Alvery et al., “Gut- Derived,” 480–89; Cogan et al., “Norepinephrine,” 1060–65; Freestone et al., “Involvement of Enterobactin,” 39–43.
  6. Maeder M., X. Guo, F. Neff, Mathis D. Schneider, and M. M. Gossner. “Temporal and Spatial Dynamics in Soil Acoustics and Their Relation to Soil Animal Diversity.” Plos One 17 (2022): e0263618.

About Ruslana Remennikova

Ruslana Remennikova is a former research scientist for the Fortune 100-ranked company ThermoFisher Scientific where she worked with vaccine sciences. In a 2016 leap of faith for a more meaningful life, she left the world of corporate science to later open a sound medicine practice while writing her first book, Activating Our 12-Stranded DNA: Secrets of Dodecahedral DNA for Completing Our Human Evolution. She is the founder of Songbird Science, a research company exploring frequency and consciousness. Born in Ukraine, she currently resides in central Virginia.

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Amid the Darkness | Human Kindness in Gaza

Article Toll of War

Amid the Darkness | Human Kindness in Gaza


Standing together

During these taxing and laborious times, I learned the layers of what it means to have a family, to be a human, and to support each other selflessly.

When Israel targeted Gaza as a whole, it was doing something even more sinister than taking lives and destroying buildings. It was attempting to destroy the intangible things that bind us together. This is the strategy of colonial armies and regimes – to divide and conquer.

Israel wasn’t trying to slaughter us all. It will always preserve parts of the population simply so it can say, “We didn’t eradicate them, see?”.

But what Israel’s administration is doing – at least trying to do – is to transform the kinship and safety we feel with each other; to pit us against each other, make us resentful towards one another, and engineer a population that directs its rage and frustration inward. What Israel, and all of its allies, cannot understand, comprehend, or recognise is that at every moment we do the exact opposite.

They have cut off aid trucks from entering the Gaza Strip, blocking us from accessing our money, and causing the prices of even the most basic items to rise unbelievably high. But we have stood together from the beginning. It is true some people have become selfish, thinking only of themselves. But others have done everything they can to split the limited amount of food that we have – even when it is the only food they have for their children – and share it with others.

Family and survival

What we are surviving in Gaza is not just the ferocity of Israel’s lethal weapons; it is also the mental exhaustion, emotional dysregulation, and depletion of hope and faith that the past year has brought. I believe Israel is doing this so that if they ever decide to give us a real opportunity to negotiate, we will seek the bare minimum.

After all, we are made of flesh, bone, heart, and soul – all fragile components of our human composition; all of which require constant taking care of, and all capable of becoming rotten. The only thing saving us, is us. The family battalion is the battalion that is fighting one of the hardest battles.

Before the war, my family wasn’t rich, but I lived a life most girls dream of. I had the luxury of a home, a higher education, and the finest material to paint. I am an oil painter, and I used to paint on canvas. I miss it more than I ever imagined. Of course, we couldn’t afford every single thing I desired, but I was content and grateful. Now, I see my father during this war struggling just to keep us alive.

Israel has made it so we can’t access the money in our bank accounts, and my father has no way of making a living. Still, he has been trying his best to provide us what we need. Even when he can’t, he selflessly offers us the little bit of food we have even if it means he will have to go without, preferring to provide for our needs over his own.

Long-Term Environmental Consequences

The environmental impacts of the war in Gaza are unprecedented, according to a preliminary assessment by the UN Environment Programme (UNEP), exposing the community to rapidly growing soil, water and air pollution and risks of irreversible damage to its natural ecosystems. UNEP reiterates the call for an immediate ceasefire to protect lives and eventually help mitigate the conflict’s environmental impacts.

“Not only are the people of Gaza dealing with untold suffering from the ongoing war, the significant and growing environmental damage in Gaza risks locking its people into a painful, long recovery. …Water and sanitation have collapsed. Critical infrastructure continues to be decimated. Coastal areas, soil and ecosystems have been severely impacted. All of this is deeply harming people’s health, food security and Gaza’s resilience,” said Inger Andersen, UNEP Executive Director.

The  preliminary assessment finds:

  • The conflict undoes progress on Gaza’s environmental management systems, including development of water desalination and wastewater treatment facilities, a rapid growth in solar power, and investments in the restoration of the Wadi Gaza coastal wetland.
  • An estimated 39 million tonnes of debris have been generated by the conflict – for each square metre in the Gaza Strip, there is now over 107 kg of debris. This is more than five times the quantity of debris generated from the 2017 conflict in Mosul, Iraq. Debris poses risks to human health and the environment, from dust and contamination with unexploded ordnance, asbestos, industrial and medical waste, and other hazardous substances.
  • The water, sanitation, and hygiene systems are almost entirely defunct. Gaza’s five wastewater treatment plants have shut down, with sewage contaminating beaches, coastal waters, soil, and freshwater with a host of pathogens, nutrients, microplastics, and hazardous chemicals. This poses immediate and long-term threats to the health of Gazans, marine life, and arable lands.
  • The solid waste management system is severely damaged. Five out of six solid waste management facilities in Gaza are damaged. By November 2023, 1,200 tonnes of rubbish were accumulating daily around camps and shelters. A shortage of cooking gas has forced families to burn wood, plastic and waste instead, endangering women and children in particular. This, coupled with fires and burning fuels, is likely to have sharply lowered Gaza’s air quality, though no open-source air quality data is available for Gaza.
  • Munitions containing heavy metals and explosive chemicals have been deployed in Gaza’s densely populated areas, contaminating soil and water sources, and posing a risk to human health which will persist long after the cessation of hostilities. Unexploded ordnance poses especially serious risks to children.
  • Destruction of solar panels is expected to leak lead and other heavy metals, causing a new kind of risk to Gaza’s soil and water.

Limited by the security situation and access restrictions, the preliminary assessment is informed by remote sensing assessments, data from Palestinian technical entities, consultations with multilateral partners, previously unpublished material from UN field-based activity, and scientific literature.

Source | UNEP

A Child’s Life in Gaza, Photos by Hosny Salah

Pulling me through

At times I have reached rock bottom, I have lost hope, I have thought, “This is the end”. I only just turned 22, and I have believed that I will die displaced, that I will be blown into pieces and no one would be able to recognise my features, that I will die hungry without being able to fulfil even my smallest desires – to eat a meal in my home again and live until I get married and have a family of my own, to die after a long, happy life surrounded by the people I love.

When this happens, amid all the darkness that only seems to get darker, the only thing that pulls me through is my family.

My family was forced to flee on 7 October last year from our home in al-Tuffah, a neighbourhood in the historic centre of Gaza City that has existed since the 13th century.

My brother, who lives in Deir al-Balah, in the centre of the Gaza Strip, took our whole family under his roof. Thank God, we have not been forced to evacuate again. But we are always afraid. His home is next to a hospital, and hospitals have frequently been targeted by the Israeli military. We did have to escape once, when they bombed the mosque next to the house, but we were able to return.

He crammed his own family – his two daughters and two sons – into one room just to give the rest of us some space to feel comfortable. This is family; this is coming through despite the scarcity of resources, despite the density of breaths in a single room, despite the bombs around us, despite it all.

With me, my parents, sisters, and brothers, and their spouses and children, and my uncle and his family – there were a lot of us to take in. Twenty-eight people in one house. But my brother tried to make us feel safe during the most horrifying nights. At a bare minimum, he tried to make us feel we were still at home.

Two extremes

During winter months, we shared blankets and hugs. When we woke up cold at night, terrified by the artillery bombardments, we had each other. We gave each other strength and patience. We shared food at the same table. We played cards late at night to ease the long cold nights.

I remember my sister-in-law. She was pregnant, and she got sick. You know how painful that can be. A pregnant woman is vulnerable and weak already. She was so worried, and it was a freezing winter night. My uncle’s wife woke up in the middle of the night and made her a warm soup. I know you might think it is nothing, but it was everything she needed to heal.

When I had a fever – a very painful one – I remember my body wouldn’t stop shivering under a lot of blankets. My mother stayed there holding me in her embrace. I thought I was going to die. My face was so red, like it was on fire. I remember the whole house was there for me, asking me if I needed anything.

I couldn’t help but wonder, “How can there be two extremes in the world: humane and inhumane?” Some people fight to do whatever it takes to help each other ease the pain; others keep proving that they have no problem inflicting it.

I don’t exactly know what was wrong with me. I had a bad fever, and my body could not stop shaking. There are so many sick people. There have been huge outbreaks of disease, especially among children. It is impossible to find medicine, and if you manage to find some it is really expensive. There is only one clinic in our area to respond to all of this. It is a struggle to get an appointment – I never got one. Luckily, I survived.

These are the things

One day, I was sitting by the beach with my bare feet on the shore. I was really devastated. Miserable. I could not help but cry. A little girl sat by my side. She was very beautiful. Her hair was bleached from the heat of the sun, her skin burnt, and she was asking for money. I had none at that moment to give her.

When she saw me crying, she sat by me and asked me to play with her in the sand. So we played and made a little castle. She managed to make me laugh, and kissed me on the cheek.

Later, as I was walking down the dead streets, I saw a man selling bananas. I was craving any fruit, especially bananas, as they remind me of home. I used to love eating one every morning before heading to my university. I asked the man how much one cost. The man told me a very high price that I couldn’t afford. I kept walking, but he called after me and offered me a banana for free.

I ate the banana with tears in my eyes. It tasted like heaven to me because it reminded me of home.

These are the things I will be grateful for until the day I die: A kiss on the cheek from a barefoot child on the burning sand; the man who gave me a banana for free because he knew I was craving one and didn’t have the money to pay for it; the people who have been there for me by my side; the people who have opened their homes to their displaced brothers and sisters, and those who share their food and their children’s food with others.

I am grateful to every single human who has kept their humanity despite the horrifying violence we live in every day.

–––––

The New Humanitarian puts quality, independent journalism at the service of the millions of people affected by humanitarian crises around the world. Find out more at www.thenewhumanitarian.org.

About Nour ElAssy

Nour ElAssy is a poet and writer based in Gaza. She is 23.

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Haiti's 'Sin' of Resistance

Article Decolonization

Haiti’s ‘Sin’ of Resistance


Featured image | by TopSphere Media 

Background

Haiti is experiencing a multifaceted crisis marked by severe gang violence and significant economic and social challenges for its people. Despite international interventions, such as the Multinational Security Support mission headed by Kenya, the strategy has been hindered by unclear goals, lack of accountability, and inadequate backing for Haitian institutions. Additional issues include a shortage of armored vehicles, helicopters for medical evacuations, prepared barracks, and proper communications equipment. This mission, which received UN Security Council approval last October, has faced considerable opposition in both Haiti and Kenya.

Many of the tragedies befalling the island nation trace back to colonial interventions

Years ago before I began teaching, I became friendly with a maintenance crew member on the job. He was a brotha, but what connected us was our shared religious beliefs. We would engage in water cooler talk about faith, sports, the weather, and current events. 

Before his departure, we had a conversation in early 2010 lamenting the situation in Haiti. The nation had just experienced a devastating earthquake, killing hundreds of thousands of people. I commented on my hope for recovery and peace in the land. He responded by saying that Haiti has a history of heartache and devastation, and the reason for that is due to the nation’s sin.

I asked him to elaborate. 

He said that because, historically, there has always been a contingent of Haitians who practice voodoo and, as a result, they were being punished by the creator. I tried to explain to him why he was wrong.

First, I told him that what he called voodoo is a diasporic fusion of traditional African faith systems and Catholicism (used, in some cases, as a form of resistance to Catholicism); second, that most Haitians were Christians; and lastly, that the circumstances plaguing the Haitian people were the fault of the French as well as the United States, both of which punished the nation for liberating itself from colonial rule.

If sin is the culprit for Haitians’ suffering, it is the sin of the colonizers, not the resisters. Saying these things is the reason this brotha stopped speaking to me.

I was saddened, not only because what I thought to be a developing friendship suddenly ceased, but because I was afraid that more Black people thought like this—that Haiti was to blame for its condition. Whether one pinned the blame on gang violence, a multiplicity of religions, or corruption in the government, Haiti was at fault for its own plight.

As Frederick Douglass said of Haiti in 1893, “Haiti is Black, and we have not yet forgiven Haiti for being Black or forgiven the Almighty for making her Black.” And today, the West still has not forgiven the descendants of the Haitian revolutionaries for showing the world the first truly free nation in the hemisphere.

Numerous reports and pictures of what’s happening in Haiti would have one believe that the Haitian people are incapable of running their own country and that an intervention from the “international community” is necessary. However, clarity comes by way of understanding history; history explains why, as Douglass said, Haiti has not yet been forgiven. 

Crisis in Haiti

  • The UN reports that gang violence has killed 2,500 people this year alone.
  • Widespread poverty: Even before the current crisis escalated, Haiti, ranked by the World Bank as the most impoverished nation in Latin America and the Caribbean region, struggled with economic challenges that deeply impacted its people’s daily lives.
  • Food insecurity: Haiti teeters on the brink of a hunger crisis, with acute hunger affecting more than 4.3 million people, nearly half of the Haitian population, according to the World Food Programme (WFP). Additionally, 1.4 million people face emergency levels of hunger.
  • Displacement: Ongoing conflicts and natural disasters have displaced approximately 362,000 people within the country.
  • Healthcare crisis: The upheaval in late February has pushed Haiti’s health system to the brink of collapse. Violence has forced the closure of three major hospitals, while armed attacks and shortages of medicine and staff have led to scaling back or the shutdown of many health centers.
  • Gender-based violence: Women and girls bear the brunt of the escalating violence, as gang activity has further increased gender-based violence.

Source | https://www.worldvision.org

Haiti is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere

Historical Context

The island was originally named Ayiti by the Taino who inhabited Hispaniola. When the French arrived there in the seventeenth century, centuries of disease from European invaders had already wiped out much of the Indigenous population. With the land, the French created sugar and coffee plantations and kidnapped Africans to serve as the labor force. They kidnapped so many Africans that eventually enslaved people vastly outnumbered the French. Chattel enslavement—where people were legally regarded as property—was brutal on the island. As a result, resistance was rampant.

Maroon communities soon developed on the island. Inspired by the French Revolution of 1789, Africans undertook their own revolution beginning in 1791. Pierre Dominic Toussaint—later named Toussaint L’Ouverture—led the battle for independence, driving Napoleon mad with disdain. L’Ouverture’s capture notwithstanding, Africans achieved victory and declared independence from France on January 1, 1804, under the leadership of Jean-Jacques Dessalines. 

After achieving independence from France, there was no “happily ever after” for the Africans of the former colony of Saint Domingue. The French responded with a choice for the Africans: pay reparations to the French enslavers or fight another war. In July of 1825, Haitian President Jean-Pierre Boyer chose the former. The Haitians owed more than 150 million francs. Haiti didn’t have the money to pay the debt, so they were coerced by the French to borrow from French banks to pay it. 

This is known as the double debt. According to The New York Times, Haitians paid about $560 million in today’s dollars, which could have added $21 billion to the Haitian economy over time.

These are funds that could have built the nation. Instead, they went to further build up France. As Haiti finished its repayment, the French hijacked Haiti’s treasury, establishing the Haitian National Bank in Paris under the control of French financiers. The Haitians believed that the move would bring investment in the country. But it only continued to weaken Haiti’s economy.

Next came the United States, beginning with an operation in 1914 where the Marines walked out of Haiti’s national bank with $500,000 in gold destined for Wall Street. Citing the Monroe Doctrine, which framed any foreign intervention in the Americas as a threat, the United States launched a full-scale invasion and occupation of Haiti in response to German inroads into the Haitian economy. Racist ideas stoked by the media—like the notion that “some of the highest officials of Haiti took part in the cannibalistic rites of voodoo”—provided cover for the campaign.

Maybe that’s where my “friend” got his ideas from, but I digress. 

Dollar diplomacy—loan disbursements overseen by American financiers coupled with a twenty-year military presence—was the mechanism for the U.S. occupation and the increase in wealth of American banks, including Citigroup, formerly the National City Bank of New York. Haiti, as well as the Dominican Republic, became “friendly” to foreign (American) investors. According to The New York Times, the United States did so by: 

“Dissolving Haiti’s parliament at gunpoint, killing thousands of people, controlling its finances for more than thirty years, shipping a big portion of its earnings to bankers in New York, and leaving behind a country so poor that the farmers who helped generate the profits often lived on a diet ‘close to starvation level.’”

Following colonial rule was the nearly thirty-year dictatorial reign of Francois and Jean-Claude Duvalier, who had the support of the United States. With that support, Papa Doc, Baby Doc, and the Duvalier syndicate of family and insiders stole millions of dollars from the country. The years of non-investment in the nation’s agriculture and infrastructure yielded poverty, malnutrition, and illiteracy for much of Haiti’s population. 

In 1990, Catholic priest Jean-Bertrand Aristide, an advocate of liberation theology, was elected President, with 76 percent of the vote, campaigning on the social, economic, and political empowerment of the poor while reforming institutions like the military—much to the dismay of the economic elite and the military itself. He lasted only nine months due to a military coup, assisted by a CIA discrediting campaign. He was reinstalled in 1994 with limited power per negotiations with the United States. 

Aristide returned to power in 2001 as the elected president with 92 percent of the vote. But the international community wanted him out. The Ottawa Initiative on Haiti was held in Canada in early 2003, when the United States, France, and Canada decided to remove Aristide again. A few weeks later, on the 200th anniversary of Toussaint L’Ouverture’s death, Aristide demanded that France pay the island nation the $21,685,135,571 that had been extorted as part of the double debt. 

In response, the Haitian elite funded an armed resistance and the United States equipped them with weapons. One of its leaders, Guy Philippe, was trained by U.S. special forces in the Dominican Republic and legitimized by Western media. Another insurgent leader was Andre Apaid, who led the Group of 184. He was supported by the International Republican Institute (IRI)—an organization funded by the U.S. State Department. 

The coup d’état to remove President Aristide took place in February 2004. The campaign was driven by Philippe and Louis Jodel Chamblain, the former head of a rightwing paramilitary group responsible for countless atrocities under the military junta that ruled Haiti from 1991 to 1994. Like Philippe, Chamblain was also trained in the Dominican Republic. 

On February 29, 2004, President Aristide and his family were removed from power. U.S. and French officials claimed that Aristide’s autocratic turn, and not his call for reparations, precipitated their regime change goals. According to Thierry Burkard, French ambassador to Haiti at the time of Aristide’s ouster, however, his removal was “probably a bit about” the call for reparations. Additionally, Aristide’s governance suffered from instability and a lack of security. 

Protesters at a rally to defend Temporary Protected Status (TPS) for Haitians, Central Americans, and others at risk of losing their status in the United States, Oakland, California, September 2019.

Since Aristide’s removal, the United States, France, and the United Nations’ Stabilization Mission in Haiti have played a large role in the nation’s political affairs. In 2019, Congress passed the Global Fragility Act (GFA) as a policy to justify future invasions and occupations in the name of preventing Russia and China from extending their influence.

The first nation to be selected for intervention was Haiti. This choice was made to prevent Haiti from establishing diplomatic ties with China and Russia and therefore preventing their access to Haiti’s natural resources. A notable endorser of the GFA was Georges Fauriol, a senior associate for the Center for Strategic and International Studies and one of the IRI strategists who had helped overthrow President Jean-Bertrand Aristide in 2004.

The GFA comes with a ten-year plan where U.S. government agencies work “in a more strategic, unified, and locally-led fashion to address the underlying causes of conflict and insecurity while working with partners to prevent or mitigate the impact of future crises.” Exacerbating the “need” for intervention was the assassination of then-president Jovenel Moïse in July of 2021 and a devastating hurricane one month later. 

The Biden Administration pledged that the GFA will use the United Nations and “other multilateral organizations” to carry out its missions. With that, the United States and Ecuador introduced a U.N. resolution for a multinational force in Haiti that was approved placing Kenya at the lead. The Core Group of ambassadors designated by the United Nations (from the United States, France, Canada, Germany, Brazil, Spain, and the European Union) declared Ariel Henry the new Prime Minister and leader of the nation, although an interim prime minister was already in place leading the country. Henry’s tenure, considered corrupt by most Haitians, ended in 2024 with his resignation at the behest of armed gangs who threatened civil war had he remained.

The current chaos in Haiti is blamed on a succession of poorly managed governments that have engaged in political corruption and economic mismanagement, and thus failed to provide Haitians with essential services. Mainstream media in the United States reinforce this narrative with pictures and videos on their platforms of gang violence, poverty, and a beleaguered police force. 

But the chaos is the fault of the United States, France, and the rest of the international community—whom Henry called upon as soon as he came to power. Paramilitary gang violence painted as the root of the instability can be traced back to the Duvalier era. The gangs today are sustained by the interests of a small political and economic elite in Haiti, which are connected to foreign interests. 

Since Haiti sought to establish itself, Western powers have worked to not only exploit the country but paralyze it from becoming a sustainable power. Because of the impact of the double debt, the United States can justify its interventions due to the conditions of the country—which are a direct result of money and resources fleeced by France. But the language used ignores this double debt. 

The truth is that Haiti’s recent succession of leaders—Latortue, Martelly, Moïse, and Henry—were all approved or directly selected by the U.S. government; that Haiti is under a twenty-year occupation by the United States and the international community; and that it doesn’t look like it’s going to change. Intervention has only incapacitated Haiti and more intervention will do the same. 

When Aristide made the call for reparations from the French in 2003, in attendance was the French ambassador to Haiti at the time, Yves Gaudeul. Speaking at the time, Gauduel admitted that France was “very disdainful of Haiti.” He continued, “What I think we will never forgive Haiti for, deep down, is that it is the country that beat us.” What Gaudeul left out was that Haiti was Black and that in the West, Black people defeating the white power structure is unforgivable. 

The history of Haiti since is a history of the West never forgiving and never forgetting. My former friend believed that the Haitians were punished for their sins by the creator. When is the time the French and U.S. are held accountable for theirs against Haiti?

***

The main body of this article originally appeared in The Progressive, May 25, 2024 and is reprinted with their kind permission.

Since 1909, The Progressive has aimed to amplify voices of dissent and those under-represented in the mainstream, with a goal of championing grassroots progressive politics. Their bedrock values are nonviolence and freedom of speech.

Return to Volume 24 Issue 4, Collective Mind of Peace

About Rann Miller

Rann Miller is an educator and freelance writer based in New Jersey. His Urban Education Mixtape blog supports urban educators and parents of children attending urban schools. He is the author of the recently released book, Resistance Stories from Black History for Kids (Bloom Books for Young Readers, March 2023). Follow Rann on Twitter @RealRannMiller

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Earth Hospice

Article Grief

Earth Hospice


“Unfortunately, there’s a lot more where that came from,” says Mike as we gather another armload of ash logs from the back of his truck and carry them into my shed. Mike and his family live in a log cabin on ten acres of woodland composed mostly of white pine and ash, and the ash is dying. 

“I know,” I say as I stack the firewood on the growing pile. “It’s so sad.” An insect that probably hitched a ride to the U.S. from Russia in a wooden packing crate about thirty years ago is decimating ash trees across more than thirty-five states and five Canadian provinces. The emerald ash borer is a showy creature, with a sparkling green back and a scarlet belly, but its glamourous appearance belies a monstrous appetite, and it has already killed more than fifteen million trees.

The work of the Emerald Ash Tree Borer. Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license, Wikimedia

Mike picks up one of the logs and draws his finger over the wheat-colored wood. “Here, you can see the tracks they make.”

Like a ribbon of toothpaste unfurled by a toddler engrossed in a stealthy experiment, the pale white trails loop and wind through the cambium. It is this tissue just under the bark that draws water and nutrients through the tree; by eating their way through it, the beetles slowly interrupt the vascular system, and the tree dies. The emerald ash borer, or EAB, is aided in its march through North America’s forests by climate change, for fewer very cold days give it more opportunity to keep flying on to new and tasty locations.

We both fall into the silence of helplessness.

“So,” says Mike, trying to put a positive spin on the conversation, “just let me know if you need more.”

Climate change, a fairly benevolent term on the surface, is seeded by heat. However, despite one cheery report I heard on the radio a couple of decades ago, this is not the simply kind of heat that could make it possible for vineyards to flourish in Maine. Climate change brings heat that spawns calamitous reactions in multiple directions, each of which spawns new problems. It is a fearsome process and one that will go on expanding, shattering, and rearranging until, finally, the world ceases to pump excessive carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. Climate change itself is the biggest invasive beast in human history.

The bravest among us despair, even as they resolve to buy local foods and electric cars, plant pollinator gardens, and refrain from getting on planes. The more timid console themselves by evoking hope and an abiding belief that God or scientific ingenuity will somehow yank us out of the boiling pot at the last minute. However, the chance that the nations of the world will, without delay, take the steps required to reduce carbon emissions radically enough to prevent the most devastating effects of climate change looks unlikely. Scientists now say we will probably not be able to prevent the temperature from rising more than 1.5 degrees Celsius above pre-industrial levels, the goal set at the 2015 climate summit in Paris. 

We must take a deep collective breath and say, Yes, the Earth as I know it is dying.

***

The Earth itself isn’t dying, of course. This planet has endured and remade itself countless times over its four and a half billion-year lifespan and will do so again. It has burned, flooded, tilted and retilted, frozen and thawed, poured out seas, thrust up mountains, and devised such an extraordinary variety of creatures that we can only gasp in astonishment that, for instance, it took only 541 million years for the eye to develop into the organ with which we can gaze upon the wonder of it all. So, yes, the Earth will continue to adapt, even to catastrophic climate change. 

But something very dear to us humans really is dying, and that is our relationship with the Earth. We love our places—all the lives they contain and foster and all the physical and emotional nutrients that they infuse into our own lives. And when our places are hurt, we hurt too.

What is dying now is our conviction that, even if some calamity of fire, water, or wind takes our home and our neighborhood, we can stoke up our vaunted human resilience, rebuild, and get back to normal. What is dying is the assumption that drastic weather is only an anomaly and that “nature” will soon right itself. What is dying is the expectation that our grandchildren will awaken on summer mornings to birdsong. What is dying, if we’re honest with ourselves, is the hope that we can fix this. 

Floating school in Tanguar Haor, Bangladesh – Wikimedia Commons

Facing brokenness, the human impulse is to rush in and take action. Things can be done to correct the problem. Things must be done. And as the world confronts climate change, much can be and already is being done, like the construction of floating schools in Bangladesh, built of wooden decks atop plastic drums to accommodate rising waters, and the “green corridor” of lands that The Nature Conservancy is purchasing and piecing together along the Appalachian Mountain chain to ease  the northward migration path of birds and animals. A bean-bearing tree, the pongamia, grows wild in Pacific regions yet thrives in almost any soil and requires no pesticides and minimal irrigation. Agriculturists believe it could provide not only a food source, but also a biofuel. Individual choices matter too, such as reducing consumption of meat and refraining from the effortless satisfaction of our whims through a simple click of the mouse. 

However, another kind of action is crucial too, and that is the practice of Earth Hospice. We need to stand by the places and creatures that have supported and inspired us as they go through changes we abhor. We must care for the natural world we love, from the tree in the backyard to the birds and squirrels in our city park to remote mountains and oceans, as we would care for a dying family member. We need to lament the losses, even as we develop practices of compassionate attention, mourning, and celebration of all that remains. We have to form a new relationship with what we have taken for granted, including our human communities and our familiar forms of activism, and find a way to live with what is evolving without succumbing to greed, despair, and hate. Earth Hospice will not be an easy undertaking, but it can be a meaningful, even sacred, avocation. 

Hospice for humans is a place, time, and practice we may choose when it becomes clear that a person who is ill can no longer recover. Death nears. Unlike active medical care, hospice is largely non-interventional. A person who is dying in hospice may receive drugs to alleviate pain, but extreme measures such as feeding tubes, CPR, and other forms of life support cease. The atmosphere, unlike that in a hospital, is quiet, calm, and devoid of alarming noises and flashing lights. For the dying person it is the final project, which some take on willingly and even welcome, and others fight till the very last breath. For loved ones, hospice begins the process of the permanent goodbye. We acknowledge the loss that looms and take our first steps into an absence that will never again be filled. Hospice is the occasion for bearing witness to the great mystery of death, drenched, yes, in grief, but also filled with awe. It is a time for tears, touch, gratitude, waiting, weeping, and, especially, love. 

Photo by Marek Studzinski

Like hospice for people, Earth Hospice is a way of saying goodbye to what we are losing in the natural world with the same mindfulness we would wish to bring to the bedside of a dying person. We bear witness to what is passing—from our lawns, our riverbanks, our bird feeders, our winters and summers, our livelihoods and our expectations of the future, as we declare over and over again: I will not turn away. Earth Hospice means attending to what we’re losing, knowing that we can’t save it, but also that we don’t have to abandon it. Just the opposite: we can abide by it and open our hearts to all it means to us. 

The call for humans to bear witness to the many lives endangered by climate change first arose in 2014 with Carolyn Baker’s article, “Welcome to the Planetary Hospice,” on the website opendemocracy.net. Baker proposed a response to climate change in which “conscious grieving is an integral component of the maturity required to balance compassionate action with the discerning acceptance of our predicament.” More recently, psychologist and hospice worker Zhiwa Woodbury has written of the need for a new and widespread “planetary hospice movement” to shift attitudes about “the difficult contractions and painful pangs of the Great Dying.” The time has come not just to recognize the urgency of beginning this process of conscious grieving, but also to engage in practices that will help us to live with loss.  

The practices of Earth Hospice—I prefer the term “Earth Hospice” to “planetary hospice,” for there are many planets in the cosmos, but only one Earth—have to be simple enough so that anyone can do them. They must require no special tools, expertise, or elaborate planning. They must be adaptable enough to be relevant to people of any race, religion, or ethnicity. They might have a spiritual component or they might not. They are devoted to sharing emotions and interacting with endangered places and beings, rather than to more pragmatic projects like protests, restoration, education, or community gardens, but they would enhance any of those gatherings. Here are a few possibilities: 

Vigil

The average stay in a hospice facility is two days. Earth Hospice will require a longer commitment. Unlike the death of a human, definitively marked by that last breath, nature’s endings will often not be so clear and precise. Species of frogs and trees don’t crash to extinction in a few days. Wildfires, droughts, and hurricanes will wreak more immediate, more drastic damage. People who have lost their homes may tell themselves that it’s safe and even brave to start rebuilding as soon as possible. However, even as charred forests persist in regenerating, or one rainy summer pours some hope into a parched lake, the fate of these places, like that of the frogs and trees, is far from secure. With Earth Hospice, we seek out damaged or endangered places and sit attentively with them as we get acquainted with their new and hard reality. During a vigil, even if it lasts only a few moments, time warps out of its ordinary patterns. What is before us takes on a new vividness. The movement of light over the land, the arrival and departure of breezes, and the sounds of birds, water, and leaves become significant events in the life story of this place we’ve settled into. The borderline between ourselves and the other softens, as if both of us have slipped into a kind of shared space, where our individual identities—human/lakebed, human/ash tree—meld into some ineffable existence we share. 

At a weeklong vigil I organized in an old-growth clearcut forest on Vancouver Island, British Columbia, one woman spent hours each day on a split stump of cedar so wide she could lie almost full length across its ringed remains. She began to reflect on the life story of this tree and all that had passed before it during its seven or eight hundred years of life. The tree came alive for her, despite, or through, its death. She realized that, when she and her husband had installed cedar paneling in their den a few years earlier, she had never even considered the trees that had given their lives to become those walls. After she returned home, she made a point of thanking the wood that had once been trees like the one she had gotten to know. 

Ceremony

A ceremony is an event that models in a limited time, a specific location, and symbolic actions a path the participants intend to follow for a prolonged time and over many places and experiences. A funeral, for example, is a formal goodbye. A wedding brings together the friends and family of the couple as witnesses to their vows to love and care for each other all their lives. Both ceremonies have a clear beginning and ending and often include stories, music, readings, and prayer. These elements, easily adapted for an Earth Hospice ceremony, invite those who are gathered to share their feelings about the place or species they’ve come to honor and to manifest those feelings through some kind of action or gesture, as the exchange of rings or the shoveling of soil onto a coffin concretize the spirit of a wedding or funeral. An Earth Hospice ceremony might be an expression of sorrow or gratitude for a place harmed by extreme weather, an opportunity for people to pay tribute to a plant or animal species that’s under threat, or even a tribute to a favorite activity, such as ice skating on a frozen neighborhood pond, which may never be again be possible. Statements of resolve, hope, or commitment to act might be part of the ceremony as well.

A woman whose small oceanside house was destroyed by Hurricane Irma in 2017, conducted a private ceremony. As she sat on what remained of her dock, she tore a length of saffron-colored fabric into long, thin strips, speaking aloud with each rip an emotion she wished to release: grief, pain, lack of confidence, blame, guilt, anger. Then, on pieces of paper, she wrote positive qualities that she wanted to foster on the small plot of land where she intended to rebuild her house. These emotions included joy, beauty, stability, meditative solitude, abundance, friendship, and spirituality. She wrapped the paper messages in the fabric and tied them to the broken bushes that had survived the gale winds that took her house. The ceremony helped her to accept what had happened in a new way and to fortify her as she moved forward. 

Sharing of Stories

When we gather together in a place that’s important to us and take turns speaking about what it has meant to us, the connection between people and place takes on a new and robust form, even though the place itself is damaged or destroyed. Each person’s story of past experiences with the place and current response to what has happened to it builds on every other person’s story. It is as if the trees, rocks, animals and waters come alive again as they are evoked by those who have appreciated them and now mourn their passing. An opportunity to share stories might be the sole activity at a dessicated lake or a rose bush no longer supped on by honeybees, or it can become an integral part of any other activity. 

Gift Giving

When we visit someone in hospice, we might bring a gift of flowers, music, or a soft blanket to make the dying person feel comfortable and surround them with beauty. Places, too, can be the recipients of gifts. We can make a mandala on an eroding beach, create an altar on a dead tree, or twirl along with the first snowflakes to fall in an unseasonably warm winter. Making a gift for a place, especially when we use only the materials that the place itself supplies us with, such as sticks, stones, coal, or seaweed, we affirm that a place, like a person, already has all the elements it needs for its intrinsic beauty to re-emerge. In my organization, Radical Joy for Hard Times, people have made gifts for a great variety of places, from a vanishing glacier in Alaska to a Balinese clove forest that has produced little fruit for several years, since unseasonal rains knock the buds off the trees, to a vacant city lot where a group of young people made a sculpture out of trash.

To make a gift for a place is to give something greater than any tangible object or act. We give to the whole complex existence of the place as we understand, imagine, and have experienced it. We make these offerings not to receive gratitude from the recipient, of course, but to express our gratitude for it, our sorrow for what has happened to it, and our connection with the other people to whom it means something. By gifting a broken place with beauty, compassion, and generosity, we often experience an inexplicable yet unmistakable burst of joy.

Joining Other Forms of Activism

As we confront the ravages of climate change, all kinds of responses will be necessary: education, protest, the development of new forms of architecture, food production, energy, art, litigation, and of course the moderation of personal habits. Earth Hospice is a practice that can interweave with any of these methods. For example, activists who gather to protest outside a coal-fired power plant can begin by sitting together in a circle, as each person speaks of their feelings about their own energy use and their hope for the action they are about to undertake together. Members of a local or national environmental group whose efforts to save a canyon from mining or a forest from logging have proven futile can conduct a funeral for the place on whose behalf they’ve worked so hard. They might wear black, construct a coffin for the place, and play somber music as they “lay to rest” what has gone before and will be no more. School students can take a field trip to a place that has contributed to global warming, like a power plant, or been a victim of it, like the river which that behemoth has overtaken, and then write an essay about what happened and what signs of resilience and recovery they discovered.

Amazement

This, finally, must be the practice that accompanies any other Earth Hospice activity: the cultivation of amazement for all we have left. Wildflowers popping out of the glossy black char of a burned forest, a chorus of wood frogs in a seasonal pond, the constancy of the moon and sun—these are revelations that affirm that, even as we grieve what is happening to the Earth we know, the Earth itself goes on—resisting, finding new ways, pushing through, and endlessly creating. As we learn to face so much loss in our world, greeting what thrives can seed us with life. We can embrace “hello” even as we are bidding “goodbye.”

Earth Hospice is a long-term responsibility, one into which we will have to initiate our children and grandchildren, that they may pass it on to their own descendants, for unlike the grief we feel as we sit at the bedside of a dying person, our sorrow for nature’s decline will not be soothed with the passing of time. The endings will keep on happening. The fading of nature as we know it will spread in ways we can barely imagine now. Attending the Earth through this process will be a difficult mission—and yet it can be a deeply meaningful one. We will come to know more intimately the ways of the places and lives we care about. We will recall, over and over, the intricacy of the connection between the landscape around us and the landscape within our own psyches. We will gain a new appreciation for qualities of stamina, stubbornness, resilience, and surrender, as forests, oceans, and animals respond to their challenges, and we will find inspiration for how we humans, collectively and individually, might also respond. We will activate reserves of compassion and come to know our neighbors in new ways through a shared love of place. We will open up to the beauty and complexity of this small orb in the midst of the universe, this Earth that gave rise to all of us: amoebas, leopards, nuclear power plants, Rachel Carson and Rembrandt, honeybees and coronavirus, you and me.

***

Every time I burned the ash wood in my stove, I thought of the trees whose remains fed the fire. I realized at last that an Earth Hospice ceremony was in order. 

In a circle in my back yard I arrange a dozen ash logs, standing upright like proud little reminders of what they once were. Some bear the scars of the insects that gnawed through them. On top of each log I place a handful of birdseed. Then, turning slowly in a circle, I address each piece of wood, acknowledging the beautiful ash tree it was and expressing my sorrow that it and so many millions more trees have died and will continue to die. I tell the logs I’m grateful for the heat they give my house and, widening my focus, assure both the logs and the land around me that I will scatter the ashes from the fire around my trees and gardens to fertilize them. 

As I speak, something happens. It is as if the life of these logs—all the seasons they’d grown in a central New York woodland; all the birds, animals, and insects they’d housed; all the weathers they’d absorbed—still radiate from them, as heat shimmers round my body when I step out of a hot bath. The logs become more than logs. They become vivid and specific descendants of the trees they were and ancestors to the smoke they will become. There is nothing supernatural about this new clarity. It is simply a form of the deepening intimacy we feel as we get to know a new friend or lover. 

I step outside the circle and bow. Shortly after I come back inside, a chickadee lands on one of the logs and begins pecking at the seeds.

Photo by Patti Black

Return to Kosmos Edition 24, Issue 2, The Call of Your Heart

About Trebbe Johnson

Trebbe Johnson is the author of Radical Joy for Hard Times: Finding Meaning and Making Beauty in Earth’s Broken Places, andother books, as well as many articles and essays that explore the human bond with nature. She is also the founder and director of the global community Radical Joy for Hard Times, devoted to finding and making beauty in wounded places. She lives in Ithaca, New York.

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absence presence

Gallery

absence presence

In December 2007, I was asked to participate in, Pulling Down, an exhibition and performances about the Holocaust, honoring the Day of Memory, held at the auditorium in Rome, Italy in January 2008.

I was staying in the neighborhood of the Jewish Ghetto and spent many hours walking the streets both day and at night in preparation for the exhibition. I sensed that the streets themselves would let me know what they wanted me to express- that I would find my inspiration there- since it was there the Jews were forced to evacuate their homes.

Coming from a Jewish family, I was interested in exploring my origins and the historical events that took place in those streets during the Holocaust from an artist perspective. From there, the exploration of absence presence was born.

In absence, there is presence. Without presence, there is absence. Empty streets and houses hold a haunting feeling as though the streets themselves know that something is missing. It has been said that the spirit often returns to the places it has known, trying to make sense of its experiences and to find its body.

As more an intuitive rather than rational artist, I’m interested in the invisible manifestation of movement that resides below the surface of knowing. In the process of creation, that invisible world shows me what is there, and its gentle but guiding hand always comes up with more interesting and surprising results than I could have imagined.

I’ve discovered that there is an invisible veil between worlds that creates the illusion of separateness in our lives; however, when people and things begin to materialize from the fiction of one’s art, the question arises not only about how everything is connected, but what is actually real, and which comes first, fact or fiction?

In terms of space, where does the hidden world lie: below, above, next to, or, as in dreams, inward? Does it matter, or is it necessary to place it? Whatever the case, there is still a vanishing quality even in the materialization of this invisible world. And the meaning that comes has a multiplicity effect within the ephemeral world implicit in the invisible.

Presence requires inhabiting the body.

Presence is essential to all spiritual practices and to life. If we are not present we are missing our experience and the opportunity at hand. With this in mind an exploration of absence and presence evolved. Although I establish my parameters—my frame—what takes place within that context is unknown, subject to movement and presence. Shooting only at night, there is absence of light.

In terms of movement and what I know about the fluid system—thanks to my practice of Continuum Movement which recognizes the body’s fluid intelligence and capacity to orchestrate—when there are any isolating phenomena, as there was during the Holocaust—the fluids will compress, forming a barrier to the world. This results in a kind of hologram of survival which can be read like a diary. The social consequences of these behavior barriers give rise to a loss of fundamental resonance, resulting in an inability to feel. The Holocaust was an example of this condition. Unfortunately, aspects of this malady are being acted out now with alarming intensity, both nationally and worldwide.

After shooting in the Jewish Ghetto in Rome, my exploration of absence presence continued in my studio in Brooklyn. Walking into the frame or parameter of the camera and the passage of light, I am able to learn something new about myself, others, and my environment.

Having painted for many years, this process of painting with light is a natural progression. My work is not constructed but emerges as life presents itself moment to moment. The photos are one-shot and not constructed in Photoshop, though I have begun compositing as well. Having worked in various art forms for many years, I have learned to welcome whatever form seems to beckon, rather than reject its entrance into my work.

My intention with these photos is to capture what is hidden, invisible, or that which is not normally seen. And to enter into a non-linear, unpredictable dream state, like a conversation where what is not said has just as much or sometimes even more relevance than what is.

In looking back at my work with absence presence over the last years, I only now fully understand the alchemy of it. That’s the beauty of an art practice. It’s as though an invisible force drives you to create, and in the creating, you are able to work through exactly what’s needed. Like homeopathy, the medicine takes its miniscule root from the ailment—”let like be cured by like”—and in doing so heals you. Not to say that all art is a healing process, but in the relatedness of all things, art itself takes you to the next step of your evolution. It’s only in the reflection, however, that you realize where you have been and how you’ve gotten there.

About Barbara Schaefer

Barbara Schaefer is an interdisciplinary artist whose paintings and photographs are exhibited internationally. She obtained a BFA from The University of Arizona and an MFA from San Francisco State University. She won a Helen Wurlitzer Foundation Artist-in-Residency award in 1997, the New York Foundation for The Arts Sponsorship in 1996, a grant from the Robert Rauschenberg Foundation in 2004 and an Artist-in-Residency award at the Fundación Valparaiso in 2005. In 2011, Barbara had a solo museum exhibition at the Museo Comunale D’Arte Moderna in Senigallia, Italy and received a grant from Franklin Furnace. In 2015, Barbara’s photography was exhibited at the Louvre Museum in Paris, France and at the Scope Art Fair in Miami. In 2016 she had a solo exhibition in Rome, Italy at Studio Matacotta.

Barbara lived in Rome, Italy from 1983 until 1995. Her experience of living in Rome had a significant impact and influence on her work and in her life. The city's beauty inspired her toward refinement and aesthetic choice, while its omnipresent history, such as the facades of old Rome, weathered with patina, permeated her work. Italian culture and language, so rich and lively, compelled her to think and act in ways she would not have otherwise discovered.

http://www.barbaraschaefer.me
http://barbaraschaeferart.com

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Two Poems

Poem

Two Poems

A Thin Line

Once, I saw a river of bats

stream like black confetti over my head,

fan out across the valley,

wing and swerve to swallow mosquitos

in their thin throats. Imagine:

their winged hands in the dark air,

their nipples and warm bellies and tiny shouts

bouncing back the geometry

of moth wings in an ocean of night.

 

I have a friend who placed them side by side–

two skulls meticulously cleaned: wolf and bat–

the same slide down the nose, hollowed caves

for eyes, even those curved canine teeth.

Almost identical except one was tiny,

one could be crushed to crumbs

between two fingers. He set them on his table

made of black stone with fossils

spiraled like shooting stars. We crouched

on the floor, eye to eye, to see.

 

There’s not much between us

on the sinewy earth. The sky

is an eggshell that keeps us warm.

Things repeat themselves– and then startle

in their newness, the way bones are

rivers for awhile, and then become river

beds with curves and sockets

where life pooled and chewed.

Memory, too, circles back, the thick

resting weight of your hands on me

like a bat wraps her shawl of wings

around the warm planet of her pulsing heart,

the ice-light of stars a breath away.

Listen to a reading of the poem “A Thin Line”.

curse

maybe there is always a moment

of knowing loss before it arrives

feeling the space we will leave already

filling and welling up as a wave doubles

back rushing into itself even as it pulls

out to sea easy to say from here perched

as I am in this wide field of far where

I study that fire making marks

like wing prints in snow where

the rabbit tracks vanish into glittering

blank we lived a year on the heat

between us falling into tongues skin

I never knew hunger like that on the streets

with no queers we walked side by side

not touching the simmering between us

polishing linden trees and jugglers at traffic lights

the snowy cordillera behind the city rising

clear in a rain-rinsed sky and towards

the end I felt us crest felt that wave

thickening into us even in the dissolve

we sat in the crowded café not talking

our tongues fat and quiet and still

dumb as time in honey mute as spoons

I think we barely touched fingertips

under the table half-filled coffee cooling

in cups din of talk around us and under

the steady hum of cars on the avenue

trees in their muscled slow language and worms

twisting under the grass and under

your tongue your mother’s curse sat

like a stone worse than death she said

and we were quiet and helpless as we filled

into our bodies our breath blood yes our love breaking

over us more than we could bear

but what choice did we have

some hollowing between us inside

us some hiss of air leaving even

as it was rushing back in


A Thin Line was previously published in Terrain.org

curse was previously published in Nimrod International Journal for Prose and Poetry.

Listen to a reading of the poem “Curse”.

About Anne Haven McDonnell

Anne Haven McDonnell lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico where she teaches as associate professor in English and Creative Writing at the Institute of American Indian Arts. Her poetry has been published or is forthcoming in Orion Magazine, The Georgia Review, The American Journal of Poetry, Nimrod International Journal of Prose and Poetry, Alpinist Magazine, About Place Journal, Fourth River, Terrain.org, and elsewhere. Her poems won the fifth annual Terrain.org poetry prize and have been nominated for a Pushcart prize. Anne has been a writer-in-residence at the Andrews Forest Writers’ Residency and the Sitka Center for Art and Ecology.

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Resilience

Essay Encountering

Resilience

It happened in the summer of 1998. I am alone at home. Home is a little village in the Belgian countryside. The month of August is warm. In the attic, in my study room, I am preparing for a philosophy exam. I have always been fascinated by the phenomenon of life and its ‘meaning.’ That degree in philosophy is supposed to give me answers, to help me understand what life is about. Naively, I had thought that space engineering would bring me closer to the mystery. After a few years of working in that field, it became clear that the reality I wished to explore is here on the earth and now. Not out there, light-years away.

RESILIENCE IS HANDLING PARADOXES. IT IS FINDING SIMPLICITY IN THE MOST COMPLEX SITUATIONS WITHOUT IGNORING THEIR PAINFUL AND DISRUPTIVE SIDES.

Sitting at my desk, I am reading theories about life and death. The whole thing feels a little stuck in my head as if the information is trapped there, in that upper part, without any communication with the rest of my body, or with the birds outside, the sun shining through the clouds and the farmers working in their fields. Around lunchtime, in that slightly confused mood, I leave my study room to fetch the kids. I am a young mother of three children. While I was studying, they were having fun somewhere with friends.

RESILIENCE IS HUMILITY. IT IS ACCEPTING THAT WE ARE NOT IN FULL CONTROL. IT IS SEEING LIFE AS A TEACHER RATHER THAN AS MATERIAL TO SHAPE.

On my way back home, on the highway, something happens. The children are in a state of tension between excitement and tiredness, unable to sit quietly in the back seat. They are two, four, and six years old. The tension amplifies my own state of confusion. I turn to them with the intention to restore calm. My movement is a little too fast, a little too strong and a little too agitated. In that movement, I drop the driving wheel for a second, and that second is enough for the car to change its trajectory.

RESILIENCE IS TRUST. NOT TRUSTING THAT THINGS WILL HAPPEN ACCORDING TO OUR EXPECTATIONS, BUT TRUSTING LIFE SO MUCH THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS, IT IS OK.

I intended to restore calm, but at what cost? I am not driving the car anymore, but the car is driving us, taking the four of us on its own course—a dramatic one. The accident is bound to happen. We can see it coming. We see it happening in front of our eyes. The car pitches slowly from right to left, and left to right. On the highway. At high speed. Until something reaches a limit in the car structure. Until something breaks up, projecting the car in the air. Everything is then darkness, sound, and movement.

RESILIENCE IS A CRACK. LEONARD COHEN SINGS, ‘THERE IS A CRACK IN EVERYTHING, THAT’S HOW THE LIGHT GETS IN.’ WOULD IT ALSO BE A WAY FOR THE LIGHT TO GET OUT?

The car is now standing still. I smell the disaster before I see it. A smell of fuel and burnt steel. Where are the kids? Not in the car. I look for them on the highway. I find their bodies. I take care of them until ambulances arrive. While running from one child to another, I discover strength in me. At that very moment, I feel at the best of my human capacity. I am able to love as I have never loved before. The immense pain seems to be counterbalanced by an immense sense of gratitude. Love for the kids, for the people around me (car drivers who have stopped to help), for the rescue workers. Total dedication.

RESILIENCE IS ABOUT CARING RELATIONSHIPS. IT IS ABOUT A LEVEL OF CARE THAT GOES BEYOND ANY LOGIC. IT IS ABOUT LOVE AS THE GLUE KEEPING HUMAN BEINGS TOGETHER.

One child is missing. Someone shouts, “She is here!” Indeed. She is laying down on the grass away from the road. Someone says, “Don’t worry, her heart is beating, she is alive.” I believe these words of a stranger, although I see no sign of life in that little body. A young woman is standing nearby. She has witnessed the accident. I take her hand, I ask her to come closer. I place her hand in my daughter’s hand. I ask her to keep holding that little hand. “Her name is Anaïs,” I told her. “She is six. Please stay with her, keep talking to her.” Then it is OK for me to leave her and to run back to the other kids.

RESILIENCE IS GRATITUDE. IT IS BEING ABLE TO ASK FOR HELP. IT IS RECOGNIZING WHAT IS GIVEN, WHATEVER IT IS—A SMILE, A LOOK, A HELPING HAND.

That day, we were very close to death. The four of us. Today, we are all alive. Gratitude. It took me years and years to relax, to process the pain, to go through the fears, to heal the injuries. We left the hospital after a few weeks. Anaïs had spent three weeks in a deep coma, between life and death. It took her another two years to fully get ‘back to life.’ It took us a good 10 years to recover. We will never return to ‘normal.’ There is no sense of ‘normality’ after such an event. Our family, our lives, have radically changed.

RESILIENCE IS PATIENCE. IT IS BUILT OVER TIME. LIKE A PLANT GIVING FLOWERS AND FRUITS, THE PROCESS CANNOT BE FORCED. IT HAPPENS ACCORDING TO ITS OWN RHYTHM.

The shock has been such that it has deprived me of a large part of my energy. What was left was to be used mindfully, with a clear focus on essentials. At that moment, it was to support the kids through the crisis. What was the ‘right,’ useful support? Slowly, a story shaped before my eyes in which the notion of ‘respect’ had a core role. Respect as basic consideration for reality, including myself, others, life, situations. Respect as listening deeply and showing regards to inner as much as outer realities.

RESILIENCE IS ABOUT COHERENCE. IT IS A PROCESS OF ALIGNMENT: WHO AM I, HOW DO I SPEND MY TIME, WHAT DO I EAT, HOW DO I TALK, HOW DO I RELATE TO OTHERS?

That day, on the highway, while ambulances were driving the kids to hospitals, I stayed a few more minutes. The landscape was one of desolation. In an instant, the pain struck me. I realized that I was seriously injured. Oxygen was lacking, it was more and more difficult to breathe. Something then happened. Something I can hardly describe with words. It took me years and years before I was able to articulate specifics. Sometimes, I need to go back to my diary to check if it really happened. That day. On the highway.

RESILIENCE IS COURAGE. COURAGE AS THE QUALITY OF ACTIVATING THE HEART. IT IS ABOUT LEARNING TO WORK WITH FEARS, AND BEYOND THOSE FEARS, TO OPEN UP TO THE UNKNOWN.

I simply did not know how to talk about it and who would be able to understand. Such an experience is hardly describable. It includes all opposites and goes beyond the realm of words. It feels unreal and at the same time, it feels like the real stuff. It feels both warm and cold. I was lifted from my body, in a vertical movement, like in a tunnel of tiny particles. Like raindrops reflecting thousands of colors. At a high speed, with a sense of stillness. Thousands of colored particles. Further away, a warm radiating light. Intense but not dazzling. The whole experience is quiet, cool, clean, in contrast with the chaos on the highway.

RESILIENCE IS ABOUT TAKING DISTANCE. IT IS HOLDING DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES, STANDING AT THE EDGE WHERE WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

How can I communicate that sense of integration, fullness, unity, and peace I experienced in that moment? In the tunnel, three times, I moved up. Three times I moved down. When I finally regain normal consciousness, I am in an ambulance with an oxygen mask on my face. Landing is painful, but it doesn’t matter. Years later, after a long healing process, I reconnected with the sense of peace experienced in that very moment. I learned to approach it in the silence of meditation, in nature, in the depth of authentic relationships, in the flow of life.

RESILIENCE IS ABOUT MAKING SENSE. IT IS ABOUT LOOKING AT REALITY WITH A SENSE OF WONDER. IT IS ABOUT ALLOWING A BIGGER PICTURE TO SHAPE.

This notion of ‘peace’ became central in my life. Peace as an art, as a movement of integration of opposites. Peace as a radical opening to a wider picture. I started regarding conflicts as opportunities for transformation. From a personal perspective, I moved naturally to a collective one in which we are all together breathing the same air, illuminated by the same sun, walking on the same earth. I became passionate about relating to people as if this whole experience had brought me closer to fellow human beings. As if my story was a universal one and had brought me into the real phenomenon of life- that phenomenon I initially tried to understand through the theory of space engineering and philosophy.

RESILIENCE IS TRANSFORMATION. IT IS EXPANDING THE FIELD OF EXPERIENCE. IT IS CONTRIBUTING TO A HUMAN SOCIETY AND SERVING A BROADER INTEREST.

About the Images

Claude Theys paired his photos with Nathalie’s essay at her request, using meditation to connect instinctively rather than literally with her words.

Belgian by origin, citizen of the world by heart, Claude is passionate about traveling. For him, photography is the art of capturing the present moment, feeling connected with the environment, the people he encounters, and the colors that attract him. He spent over twenty years in Africa with his family and has spent much of his time in nature and wildlife.

About Nathalie Legros

Nathalie Legros holds a degree in space engineering and certificates in existential counseling and mediation. She has spent a great deal of her time in Brussels and European institutions, supporting the project of Integration and Peace in Europe. In her fieldwork with civil servants, through perspective to bring attention to ‘peace within,’ she introduced individual practices of resting (silent pauses) and collective practices of deeper inquiry and reflection (Bohm Dialogue Circles). She regards conflicts as fuel for transformation and is the author of the little book ‘Chouette, un conflit!’ for which the English translation is waiting for a publisher. In the context of the Monastic Inter-religious Dialogues (MID), she follows contemplative practitioners of different traditions in the mutual exploration of their experience. Today, she lives in a village in Belgium and gives priority to local engagement and dialogue in all its forms, including with nature.

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The Migrant Quilt

Essay Healing

The Migrant Quilt

In the late 1990s, in Northern California, we placed a photo of Liz (my late wife) and me, taken by the renown photographer Annie Leibovitz, onto a quilt. Friends and family members gathered around and hand-sewed keepsakes of their lives with Liz into the cloth: bits of jewelry, ribbons, and personal messages.

By the time the black and white photograph, created for a national “Be Here for the Cure” AIDS campaign, could be seen in magazines and writ large on subway walls, many of the people Leibovitz photographed for the campaign would be dead: the cute guy, the sparky little kid, the strong transgender woman, and the straight teenage girl. Few would make it for the cure.

People died by the thousands while the government turned a blind eye. Families mourned, shrouded in secrecy. The closest friends I will ever have grieved for each other even as they, too, prepared to die.

America as a whole seemed to shake itself awake only when thousands of AIDS Names Project Quilts were laid end-to-end on the National Mall in Washington, D.C., forming a master quilt strewn with names as far as the eye could manage—a seemingly endless landscape of unspeakable loss and undeniable love. Visitors dropped to their knees, humbled by such terrible beauty.

Now, in my backyard, another names project quilt, The Migrant Quilt Project (seen most recently at the Pimeria Alta Museum in the border town of Nogales, AZ), was inspired in large part by the AIDS Quilt. The Migrant Quilt panels will travel across the country and the artist/activist Jody Ipsen (the quilt’s originator) and Peggy Hazard (the project’s curator), along with many volunteer makers, hope for a similar impact on hearts and minds.

Women on the border often have a different take on immigration issues: more of a ‘tend and befriend’ approach, a kind of common sense, needle-to-fabric mend. The responses of women to the Migrant Quilt exhibit define the soft heart of what it means to be human. The day we visited, we watched female visitors leaving in tears.

“Docents had to go out and buy boxes of tissues,” said Jody Ipsen. “You cannot walk away from this without being moved.”

The 17 quilts in the project bear the names of people who have died each year crossing the desert in the Tucson Sector since 2000—the year the county medical examiner’s office began documenting the names of the dead, including unidentified remains). Patched together with denim, work shirts, embroidered cloth, and bandanas left behind on the desert floor, the quilts are scrappy in design and raw with truth.

Many of the bordados (embroidered cloths) stitched into the Migrant Quilts are inscribed with endearments. Contigo en la Distancia (With You Far Away) or Duerme Amor Mio (Sleep My Love) shock the viewer with familial intimacy. These personal embroideries, sometimes used as servilletas to carry food across the desert, are often blessed then sent along with a traveling family member. The embroideries have come a long way. Now they rest alongside the names of the deceased.  

Each quilt represents countless lives lost on border ground, a hundred-mile strip of geography spanning two countries. The interstitial border region has morphed into a distinct culture of its own, and the quilts, with their binational contributors, fly its flag.

On the US side of the border, volunteers create each piece according to their own inspiration. Worn material migrates through the quilts and melds in the viewer’s eye. Names of the dead rise off the surface in bas-relief like rogue wildflowers pushing up through the desert floor, commanding the same kind of attention as the white crosses we see strung with wire in and around the slats of the border wall.

“Quilts have traditionally been made to memorialize loved ones who died,” said Curator Hazard. “And also, to raise consciousness.” In the Nineteenth century, women used quilts not only to raise funds for the anti-slavery movement, but to express their feelings about slavery.

Memory is the first form of resistance, and quilt-making—a primary tool of resistance and remembrance—stands the test of time. At QuiltCon 2018, the Modern Quilt Guild’s annual convention, the exhibits were honeycombed with activist quilts. The resurgence in “truth textiles” also carries on at the Social Justice Sewing Academy, which empowers youth activists for social change.

The humblest materials can communicate what cannot be said in dangerous times, can comfort the family, and can mourn the dead. Quilting, embroidery, and applique—arts of hearth and home—remain a language shared.

Two decades ago in Northern California, our fragile but fierce community took turns stitching Liz’s favorite piece of mud cloth onto a quilt. I remember the silence that day as we worked together, united in the province of memory. Craig, Liz’s long-time brother-in-arms, his large brown eyes brimming with tears, leaned over and carefully sewed a cowrie shell onto the fabric. Craig would be the next to die.

Now, on our southern border, our neighbors continue to die crossing culture. The personal is political and the political is spiritual. Rather than ask “How do we build higher walls?” we are best served, as people, to ask, “How do we meet?” and “How do we mourn?”

The root of the word memory stems from the word mourn. The devotional art of making in the service of others allows us on the US side of the border wall to touch the essence of the Other, to offer witness, and to mourn.

The Migrant Quilt Project succeeds where rhetoric fails. Pinning and stitching, working the cloth to make sure the dead are not forgotten, these quilt-makers trust that no one turns a blind eye.

The Migrant Quilts are in an exhibit at the New England Quilt Museum in Lowell, Massachusetts, through July 15. After that, they will travel to Michigan and to Illinois. See migrantquiltproject.org for the exhibit schedule and more information.

All photos | Valarie Lee James

About Valarie Lee James

Valarie Lee James is an Artist, Writer and Benedictine Oblate on the AZ-MX Border called to contemplative arts, activism, and ecology. Find her at www.ArtandFaithintheDesert.wordpress.com

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The Wanderer's Preparation in the Death Lodge

Article Life Cycle

The Wanderer’s Preparation in the Death Lodge

A candidate for soul initiation knows what she has taken on. She’s preparing to die in order to be reborn. She must abandon her old home to set out for her new home. She longs for the journey but is understandably terrified by the prospect. To help her approach the edge, her guides might suggest some time in the “death lodge.” 1

The Death Lodge I

The death lodge is a symbolic and/or literal place, separate from the ongoing life of the community, to which the Wanderer retires to say goodbye to what her life has been. She may dwell there a full month or more, or, during the course of a year, an hour or two every day, or several long weekends. Some of her death lodge work will take place in the cauldron of her imagination and emotions, while other work will occur face-to-face with friends, family, and lovers. She will wrap up unfinished emotional and worldly business to help release herself from her past.

In her death lodge, she will see that the life she is leaving has contained both joy and pain, success and failure, love and the absence of love. Some of the central people in her life have played the roles of villains or victims, others of heroes. No matter. Now all the paths of possibilities within her former life are going to converge at a single inevitable point up ahead: the ending of her old way of belonging to the world.

In the death lodge she will say goodbye to her accustomed ways of loving and hating, to the places that have felt most like home, to the social roles that gave her pleasure and self-definition, to the organizations and institutions that both shaped and limited her growth, and also to her parents or caregivers who birthed her and raised her and who will soon, in a way, be losing a daughter.

She might choose to end her involvement with some people, places, and roles. In other cases, she might only need to shift her relationship to them. Although she must surrender her old way of belonging to the world, she need not violate sacred contracts. Some contracts might have to be renewed at a deeper level. It is essential she does not fool herself: embarking on the underworld journey is not a legitimate justification for abdicating preexisting agreements or responsibilities to others.

Whether ending or shifting relationships, she will feel and express her gratitude, love, forgiveness, her goodbyes. She will say the difficult and important things previously unsaid. She may or may not visit with each person in the flesh, but she will certainly have many poignant and emotional encounters.

If her parents were not criminally abusive, she will forgive them for not being who she wanted them to be. If they are still alive, she will attempt this in person. This may be the most important and difficult part of her death lodge. She knows by now no parents are perfect nurturers and all have their own wounds. She knows that surrendering her former identity requires her to heal her own wounds to the point she no longer harbors the fantasy that her human parents will somehow become perfect (or merely healthy or responsible) or that she will find someone else—a lover or therapist—to be her perfect parent. As in her Loyal Soldier work, she must learn to relate to herself as a healthy parent to a child.

In her death lodge, the Wanderer also mourns. She grieves her personal losses and the collective losses of war, race, or gender oppression; environmental destruction; community and family disintegration; or spiritual emptiness. Not only does she cease to push the painful memories away but she invites them into her lodge and looks them in the eye. She allows her body to be seized by those griefs, surrendering to the gestures, postures, and cries of sorrow. She grieves in order to let her heart open fully again. She knows at the bottom of those grief waters lies a treasure: the source of her greater life. David Whyte writes:

Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief
 
turning downward through its black water
to the place we cannot breathe
 
will never know the source from which we drink,
the secret water, cold and clear,
 
nor find in the darkness glimmering
the small round coins
thrown by those who wished for something else. 2

Each of us has been, at times, the one who stood above a dark well and “wished for something else”—namely, that we ourselves wouldn’t have to descend into the waters of grief, that our wishes would come true without our having to suffer in the process. During the descent to soul, we surrender our comfortable lives above the waters. We enter depths so dark we fear we will die, and in a way, we will.

The Death Lodge II

I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.
Whisper of running streams, and winter lightning.
The wild thyme unseen and the wild strawberry,
The laughter in the garden, echoed ecstasy
Not lost, but requiring, pointing to the agony
Of death and birth.
— T.S. Eliot 3

Most people enact a vision fast with an intention, or at least a need, to grieve significant losses. The death lodge is an essential preparatory practice.

A man in his mid-twenties came to grieve his father’s death that occurred when the young man was eighteen. Thomas, who himself became a father at seventeen, had many questions about what it meant to be a man. He grieved his father’s premature death, his uncertainties about his own fatherhood, and his sense of being deprived of the cultural rituals that might have helped him become a man earlier and more completely. Like everyone, his time in the death lodge included sorrow for what might have been.

Many people embark on a vision fast or on the descent to soul, more generally, in part to say goodbye to an identity they have outgrown, in a sense to attend their own funeral. Some write a eulogy for themselves, a farewell to the old story. Although the new story stirs inside them, they know the old one must first be laid to rest.

Anita, a professional and mother in her forties, came to formally mark her empty nest as her youngest entered college. She wanted to honor the end of twenty-one years of soul work, the labor of love of raising two fine young men. And then there were the two failed marriages, an alcoholic father, and a mother who died when Anita was four. In the death lodge, she also said goodbye to her way of being a psychotherapist; she knew a more creative and artistic path awaited her.

In the two years before his first vision fast, Steve, a young psychiatrist, lost his mother and brother, his career fell apart, and he, at long last, severed his abusive relationship with alcohol. He came to formally end his decade or more of what he called “being dead,” staggering through a lonely life of despair. In his death lodge, he finally experienced his rage at his dad for the years of brutal criticism and ridicule- and all the grief waiting in line just behind the rage.

Tom, a Harvard M.B.A. in his forties, made millions as a successful (and ruthless) corporate mercenary. He found himself with a trophy home and boat, a second ruined marriage, no idea of who he really was, and his only son suicidal at the end of high school. Stunned to find himself bereft of the American dream, he came to his vision fast recognizing he and his son were facing the same crisis of meaning, one at the threshold of emancipation, the other at midlife, but both with the opportunity for true freedom. Tom, who was beginning to discover the fine human being beneath his former corporate persona, had much to surrender in his death lodge: buckets of tears and everything he once thought life was about.

In the death lodge, you loosen your grip on your former identity and world. You cut the cords, then gingerly step along the narrow ledge above the abyss, your back to the crag. At last, you turn and extend your arms against the half-truths of the old life, your fingers lightly pushing away.

To relinquish your former identity is to sacrifice the story you had been living—the one that defined you, empowered you socially, and limited you. This sacrifice captures the essence of “leaving home.”

Once you have in earnest entered the journey of soul initiation, you begin to live as if in a fugue state. Imagine: after developing an adequate and functional identity, you now have become as if amnesic, dissociated from your prior life. But, unlike the victim of amnesia, your goal is not to discover who you used to be, but rather who you really are.

Your time in the death lodge grants freedom. Untied from the past, you dwell more fully in the present, more able to savor the gifts of the world. You find yourself projecting less and seeing the world more clearly and passionately. You experience a deepened gratitude for the richness of life, for the many opportunities that await you.

Confronting Your Own Death I

The courageous encounter with the unalterable fact of mortality supplements and extends the activities of the death lodge. In the death lodge, you made peace with your past and prepared to leave behind an old way of belonging to the world; you prepared for a “small death.” Now you have the opportunity to prepare for your inevitable and final death, look your mortality in the eye, and make peace with the brutal fact that, ultimately, you will have to loosen your grip on all of life, not just a life stage.

On September 11, 2001, Ann Debaldo was leading a journey in a remote corner of Tibet, unaware of the events unfolding in the United States. But like most Americans that day, Ann had the opportunity to become more intimately acquainted with death. At 14,000 feet in the Himalayas, Ann witnessed the extraordinary Buddhist ceremony of sky burial while, elsewhere in the world, people witnessed another kind of sky burial in the air over New York City.

We were camped near Drigung Til Monastery. The evening before the sky burial, we attended the powa practice. A specially trained lama sat in front of the four corpses, each of which was folded into a small bundle and wrapped with blankets tied with ropes. Offerings to the monks—bags of flour and other staples—were taken off the horses by family members who had carried the bodies here, a journey of many days, perhaps weeks. The lama went into a profound meditation and at regular intervals made a loud sound- phat!– to open the crown chakras of the corpses, allowing any remaining life force to depart. We sat in silence as the offerings were casually divided among the monks and the lama performed his task.

Very early the next morning, we walked silently and slowly up to the hilltop where the sky burial would take place. I walked with an elderly man whom I had earlier tried to discourage from coming to Drigung Til. He was ill-prepared to handle both the altitude and the primitive camping, yet in Lhasa it became clear to me that attending the sky burial was what his journey was all about. The group moved ahead and we took the less steep pathway, his labored breathing increasing with each step. As we reached the top, a monk gently untied the ropes on one of the bundles and removed the blankets, revealing a very old woman with limbs lying at impossible angles to her torso. A great calm came over me. The old man gasped and almost fell. To prepare the food for the vultures, the monk flayed the meat and then crushed the bones into grain on a great round stone. We were so close that bits of flesh landed on our clothes. The old man was unable to stand, and so we moved even closer to lean upon the stone wall next to the monk. I felt a warm strength as I supported my companion’s weight, understanding how close he was to his time of departing this life. I could feel his heart beating and his heavy breathing as the huge golden vultures edged nearer to their breakfast.

Each corpse was similarly handled. Wave after wave of vultures descended upon the meat and grain until abruptly, there was nothing left. I watched, filled with a strange joy as the great birds lumbered down the hill before jumping into the sky and soared away over the valley toward the snow peaks in the distance. Oh, to fly freely—man becoming bird! What is death but an opening of a door?

We walked in silence down the steep hill toward the monastery where the monks began parading and chanting to the sounds of their great long horns and drums. As I sat in the hot sun, I shivered so hard I almost fell off the wall, my mind reeling. It was difficult to think and perhaps consciousness was briefly lost. Then, in my belly, I felt the presence for the first time of a great mountain of peace and silence—a feeling of solidity and calm strength, quite new to me. We left the monastery, each of us affected in our individual ways, but certainly forever changed by our visit to the burial grounds.

Confronting your own mortality, intimately and bravely, imagined or vicariously witnessed in graphic detail, is a powerful soulcraft practice, possibly an essential one. The embodiment of soul that you seek is not going to go far if you are living as if your ego is immortal. Put more positively, your soul initiation will be rich to the extent you can ground yourself in the sober but liberating awareness of limited time. This very moment may be your last.

Confronting Your Own Death II

The confrontation with death is an unrivaled perspective enhancer. In the company of death, most desires of adolescence and the first adulthood fall away. What are the deepest longings that remain? What are the surviving intentions with which you might enter your second, soul-initiated adulthood? The confrontation with death will empty you of everything but that kernel of love in your heart and your sincerest questions. It is in such a state of emptiness and openness that we hope to approach the central mysteries of our life.

As a Wanderer, it is a good practice to look Death in the eye. Contemplate your unavoidable aging and inevitable demise, “the bitter unwanted passion of your sure defeat,” as David Whyte puts it. During your wandering time, you might visit cemeteries or mortuaries, and sit there for hours or days and really look and listen and feel and breathe the thick air in those places. You might learn the traditional and sacred practices of those who prepare a body for burial or cremation.

Perhaps you will volunteer for hospice and spend hours gazing into the eyes of those who lie at death’s door, your heart stretching ever wider, both your eyes and your companion’s peering over the edge of life’s cliff. In hospice, you will witness the dying process, life ebbing away, and the moment of death itself. You will see people die well and not so well. You will see how families deal with death or refuse to deal with it. You will see some people embrace their deaths and celebrate their lives, and others die bitter and angry, never having acknowledged they were dying.

Discuss death with your guides and fellow Wanderers. Sit in councils specifically dedicated to talk of death. While alone, wonder about death, wander with it, wrestle with it. Feel its presence, both emotionally and physically. Ask yourself and others questions about death and share your feelings and speculations. Along with Mary Oliver, rhetorically ask, “Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?”

Should you suffer the loss of a loved one, permit the force of that death to transform you with its weight, fully feeling and expressing the immense grief, allowing it to irrevocably alter the world and your place in it. And should your people suffer an unthinkable loss at the hands of others (as on September 11, 2001), surrender to your anger and grief, but also look for the enemy of life within, the elements of self not in alignment with life. Find where death lives inside.

When you progress from one stage of life to another, celebrate the promises and possibilities of the new, but do not shirk from grieving the little deaths inevitably accompanying these shifts—the death of youth, unrealized dreams, cherished hopes, bedrock illusions.

Gradually, you will come to live in the light of death, not morbidly but with an increasingly joyful appreciation for this moment and your presence in it. You will cling less and less to who you are and how you are and become more attuned to your destiny, with allegiance to neither your social past nor the current accommodations of your personality.

As Carlos Castaneda was taught by his teacher, the Yaqui sorcerer don Juan, ask death to be your ally, to remind you, especially at times of difficult choices, what is important in the face of your mortality. Imagine death as ever present, accompanying you everywhere just out of sight behind your left shoulder.

In these ways, make peace with your mortality. One day you will find you are not so attached to your life being just one certain way. Then you will be better prepared to converse with soul and its outrageous requests for radical change.

With any soulcraft practice, the Wanderer seeks to put his ego in a double bind, a checkmate that makes it impossible to continue the old story. Confronting the inevitability and ever-presence of his death loosens his grip on his routines, dislodges his old way of obtaining his bearings, ushers him to the threshold beyond which lies the unknown. Horrified, he discovers he must give up everything in order to get what he really wants, with no guarantee of success or even of surviving his quest.

He is like a dog playing fetch when someone suddenly throws the stick into a bonfire. Stunned, the dog stares into the flames with big eyes. The soul wants the Wanderer to jump into that fire. The Wanderer’s deepest instinct for survival is counterbalanced by his passion for the quest. What will he do?

By confronting the truths held by death, the Wanderer gradually relinquishes his illusion of immortality and finds himself with a new hope for the world. He sees all things must change to evolve. He sees that death and impermanence provide hope for an evolving universe.

 

References

1 Steven Foster and Meredith Little introduced me to the death lodge as a practice in preparing for a vision fast. See Roaring of the Sacred River: The Wilderness Quest for Vision and Self-Healing (Big Pine, Calif.: Lost Borders Press, 1997), p. 34.

2 David Whyte, “The Well of Grief,” in Where Many Rivers Meet (Langley, Wash.: Many Rivers Press, 1990), p. 35.

3 From “East Coker,” in T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets (New York: Harcourt Brace & Co., 1977), p. 28.

Adapted from Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft: Crossing Into the Mysteries of Nature and Psyche (New World Library, 2003).

About the images:

By William Blake, selected from: Europe: a Prophecy, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell, and Milton: a Poem, To Justify the Ways of God to Men.

About Bill Plotkin

Bill Plotkin, PhD, is the author The Journey of Soul Initiation. As a depth psychologist, wilderness guide, and founder of western Colorado’s Animas Valley Institute, he has led thousands of women and men through nature-based initiatory passages. His previous books include Soulcraft, Nature and the Human Soul, and Wild Mind. He lives in Durango, Colorado and you can visit him online at http://www.animas.org

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