WEEK 2 | Working with Grief and Paradox

Welcome to Week 2.

Grief is a natural response to change. We experience grief with every disappointment, loss, and death. The purpose of grieving is to support our healing and to transition from that which we have known, to the new life promised on the other side of every change—a new life we do not yet know. Many of us feel we are standing at this precipice, in a liminal space between stories—the old story of ‘how things were’ and the potential story of what may be. Unfortunately, we live in a culture that does not remember the value of grief, leaving some of us clinging to what we have known like a life raft, or suffering alone in our ‘wound’. Transforming our relationship with grief supports our own healing and healing in the world.

As you work with this week’s readings and media, keep these questions in mind:

What is your relationship with grief? Do you avoid or deny grief, or are you overwhelmed with it? Something in between?

How have you supported your own journey of grieving in the face of the disappointments, losses, and deaths you have experienced in your life?

How have you been a source of support for others in their grieving?

Content for Week 2

Two Poems, by Anne Haven McDonnell

The Deschooling Dialogues: Grief, Collapse and Mysticism, by Alnoor Ladha et al.

The Wanderer’s Preparation in the Death Lodge, by Bill Plotkin

Gallery 1 | absence presence, by Barbara Schaeffer

Glide, by Andrea Hollander

Women and the Migrant Quilt, by Valarie Lee James

Resilience, by Nathalie Legros

 

READ: Two Poems, by Anne Haven McDonnell

PRACTICE: Lectio-Divina

 Lectio-Divina is a traditional Benedictine practice which—loosely translated—means “Divine Speaking.” It is a practice of reading sacred text for the purpose of receiving guidance from our higher self. Lectio-Divina can just as easily be applied to poetry, prose, or any written word for the purpose of accessing our higher truth. Apply the following steps of Lectio-Divina to Anne Haven McDonnell’s two poems:

Lectio: Read the poem slowly and mindfully, looking for a word or phrase that resonates with you. Take that one word/phrase and repeat it over and over in your mind, allowing it to guide you into an open-minded and peaceful state.

Meditatio: Reflect on that word or phrase. Take it in as nourishment. Ruminate, ponder, think about it. Ask yourself what that word/phrase is saying to you and how it might be speaking to or informing where you are in your personal journey today.

Oratio: After reflecting, respond. Record your thoughts and reflections on the word/phrase in a journal or notebook. Speak aloud a response to your higher self regarding what you received in this meditation.

Contemplatio: Sit in silence, allowing your meditation experience to take root in you as it continues to nourish the hours, days, and weeks ahead.

Re-read the poems a few days later.

How has your relationship to the special word or phrase you chose expanded or altered your understanding of the complete poem?

What does each poem in its entirety mean to you? What might the title, “A Thin Line” refer to? What is the “curse” the poet is recounting in the second poem??

 

READ: The Deschooling Dialogues: Grief, Collapse and Mysticism, by Alnoor Ladha et al.

EXERCISE: For this activity, you will need a blank piece of paper, a box of crayons, and an open mind.

Read the following quotation from the article:

[Our destruction may also contain our salvation]…This is a sort of Sufi thought. It is a part of the universe becoming self-aware. We are so conscious of its shadow right now because it is so obvious. However, its shadow is what takes us through transcendence. It is the power that gets us beyond it. So, it has its own perfection built into it. It is both perfect and violently imperfect at the same time.  -Martin Kirk

Sit in reflection on this for several minutes.

What does “the universe becoming self-aware” mean to you?

Create a simple drawing of whatever emerges when you think of the universe becoming self-aware. 

What personal ‘shadows’ may pose challenges for you?

Select one shadow and consider its ‘light’ side. In what ways does this shadow and its light counterpart support you in your journey of transformation?

Rest and Reflect. Allow a day or two for the fruit of your practice to ripen.

 

READ: The Wanderer’s Preparation in the Death Lodge, by Bill Plotkin

Every moment of the human journey leads us toward its ultimate end which is death. On the journey toward death, we experience millions of small ‘dyings’—from our cells which die and regenerate, to life’s disappointments, the loss of a job, a friend, our vitality, and ultimately our own death.

In your journal, in a poem, or other work of art, explore the following:

What are the little ‘dyings’ in your life? Make a list of these losses. How are you creating awareness and space in your life to acknowledge the process of grief?

Are you open to receiving and welcoming ‘what comes next’? Why or why not?

Write a brief essay about one of the losses from your list, (100—800 words). Consider sharing all or part of your work. Use the Comments section at the end of Bill Plotkin’s article if you wish to share publicly. Or share more privately in the Facebook Forum. You will see a post—What ‘dyings’ are you grieving?

 

EXPLORE: GALLERY 1 | absence presence, by Barbara Schaeffer

Empty streets and houses hold a haunting feeling as though the streets themselves know that something is missing. – Barbara Schaefer

Each of us has a history of places we have been to and places we have lived. These places carry the imprint of our presence which is now absent.

Reflect on the places you have lived and the places you have been. Imagine your presence in those places and how your spirit touched or made an impact on that place.

How do those spaces now feel the absence of your presence? Reflect on how the spirit of those places continues to live on in you today.

 

READ: Glide, by Andrea Hollander

Reflect on the relationship between Glide and absence presence.

WRITE: Choose one recent and one old photo of yourself and write a poem from the perspective of a person who is remembering you. Use Glide as a template. Describe the way this person might see you now and how they might remember you then. Work on this poem over several sessions.

Did anything surprising emerge from this exercise?

Whose perspective did you choose to write from: a stranger, a friend? Why?

Share your poem with a loved one who knows you well. 

Does the reader of your poem more clearly recognize the ‘now’ you or the ‘remembered’ you?

Ask the reader what she or he might have added or removed.

 

Rest and Reflect

 

READ: Women and the Migrant Quilt, by Valarie Lee James

Reflect on the marginalized populations in your own community—the poor, homeless, jobless, underemployed, refugees, immigrants, abused and neglected children, mentally ill, addicted, imprisoned. In silent reflection, allow your heart to be opened.

Do you or have you ever self-identified as a member of any of these populations?

Do any of these labels make you feel uncomfortable?

Imagine a series of events that would place you squarely in one or more of these groups. Sit with these thoughts until you feel the reality of your situation. What does it, feel, sound, smell and taste like?

EXERCISE: Collect some odds and ends from your life or a relationship– maybe an old shirt or scarf you do not wear anymore, broken jewelry, souvenirs. Cut and arrange to create a collage or small ‘quilt’ that you glue or stitch. The object you create can be simple or complex, large or small. It does not matter. Create a sacred relic of your experience to keep in a special place. Photograph and share if you wish.

How does this sacred object reflect your identity?

What emotions are attached to your object?

 

READ: Resilience, by Nathalie Legros

Sometimes, our greatest fears actually happen. The experience Nathalie describes is any parent’s worst nightmare. Yet, is it the main event of the story? Extreme experiences can sometimes catapult us into another state of being. We have all heard stories about heroic actions and super-human strength in the midst of crisis, an of visions or altered consciousness. Skeptics often dismiss these as pure physical reactions (ex: adrenaline) or psychological ones, (ex: disassociation).

Have you had an experience of ‘heightened reality’, something beyond the bounds of what you consider ‘normal’? 

 At what age(s) did this experience occur. How have you shared, suppressed, rationalized or accepted this.

 If you have never had such an experience, how do you react when you read Resilience? What do you think the author experienced?

Write a brief essay (100—800 words) about this. Consider sharing all or part of your work. Use the Comments section at the end of Resilience if you wish to share publicly. Or share more privately in the Facebook Forum. You will see a post—Experiences of heightened reality?

The structure of the essay, Resilience, is important to the author. She offers 12 paragraphs and 12 resilience statements. Reflect on why she might have chosen this number. Select a paragraph and a resilience statement and contemplate their connection.

Why did the author choose resilience as her theme? Is the story about resilience?

What story is ‘untold’ in this essay. How does the untold story relate to ‘resilience’?

Rest and Reflect

 

Closing Exercise

Return to the questions that opened this week:

What is your relationship with grief? Do you avoid or deny grief, or are you overwhelmed with it? Something in between?

 How have you supported your own journey of grieving in the face of the disappointments, losses, and deaths you have experienced in your life?

 How have you been a source of support for others in their grieving?

Write a paragraph about what stands out most vividly for you. What will you take away for your effort this week? Use the Comments section at the end of any article from Week 2, if you wish to share publicly. Or share more privately in the Facebook Forum. You will see a post—Takeaways from Week 2.

 

Congratulations on completing Week 2!